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Funny Attained Quotes
Funny Quotes about Attained

Let these funny Attained Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Treat those who are good with goodness,
and also treat those who are not good with goodness.
Thus goodness is attained.
Be honest to those who are honest,
and be also honest to those who are not honest.
Thus honesty is attained.
- Lao Tzu

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
- H. L. Mencken

Peace cannot be achieved through violence,
it can only be attained through understanding.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly.
It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.
- Henry Ford


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True happiness... is not attained
through self-gratification,
but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
- Helen Keller

Many persons have a wrong idea of
what constitutes true happiness.
It is not attained through self-gratification
but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
- Helen Keller

Life is not easy for any of us.
But what of that?
We must have perseverance
and above all confidence in ourselves.
We must believe that we are gifted for something
and that this thing must be attained.
- Marie Curie


 

Until the great mass of the people shall be filled
with the sense of responsibility for each other's welfare,
social justice can never be attained.
- Helen Keller

Compassion, in which all ethics must take root,
can only attain its full breadth and depth
if it embraces all living creatures
and does not limit itself to mankind.
- Albert Schweitzer

I attain Inner Peace by Intending my future, and never Expecting it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment
without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania.
Appropriate rituals channel your emotions
and life energy toward the light.
Without the discipline to practice them,
you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.
- Lao Tzu

Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision.
The ability to direct individual accomplishments
toward organizational objectives.
It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.
- Andrew Carnegie

One cannot have wisdom without perspective,
but once gaining perspective, one attains wisdom.
Wisdom is the ability to view every situation
as each person who is in any way affected
by that situation might view it.
Wisdom benefits from having a knowledge of history,
and therefore a historical perspective,
as well from as having the perspective of imagination -
the realm of the what-might-be
inhabited by futurists and science-fiction writers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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