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Let these funny Explains Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The mediocre teacher tells.
The good teacher explains.
The superior teacher demonstrates.
The great teacher inspires.
- William Arthur Ward
The Four Stages of Public Opinion
I (Just after publication): The novelty is absurd
and subversive of Religion and Morality.
The propounder both fool and knave.
II (Twenty years later): The Novelty is absolute Truth
and will yield a full and satisfactory
explanation of things in general -
The propounder a man of sublime genius and perfect virtue.
III (Forty years later): The Novelty won't explain
things in general after all, and therefore is a wretched failure.
The propounder a very ordinary person advertised by a clique.
IV (A century later): The Novelty a mixture of truth and error.
Explains as much as could reasonably be expected.
The propounder worthy of all honor
in spite of his share of human frailties,
as one who has added to the permanent possessions of science.
- Thomas Henry [T. H.] Huxley
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain
A politician needs the ability to
foretell what is going to happen
tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year.
And to have the ability afterwards
to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill
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If you can't explain it simply,
you don't understand it well enough.
- Albert Einstein
The value of a principle is the number of things it will explain.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing I say can explain to you Divine Love
Yet all of creation cannot seem to stop talking about it.
- Rumi
Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
Never ascribe to malice that which is
adequately explained by incompetence.
- Napoleon
Time to Die:
A Zen teacher had a rare and priceless teacup.
One day, his precocious student accidentally broke the cup.
Hearing the footsteps of his teacher,
the student held the pieces of the cup behind his back.
When the master appeared, he asked: "Why do people have to die?"
"This is natural," explained the teacher.
"Everything has to die and has just so long to live."
The student showed the shattered cup, saying,
"It was time for your cup to die."
- Traditional Zen Koan
Being is the great explainer.
- Henry David Thoreau
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek
The African is my brother but he is
my younger brother by several centuries.
- Albert Schweitzer
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving.
I hope mine is interesting and self-serving.
- William J. Clinton
Success is never so interesting as struggle
- Willa Cather
The only interesting answers are those that destroy the questions.
- Susan Sontag
The most interesting information comes from children,
for they tell all they know and then stop.
- Mark Twain
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
In all our contacts, it is probably the sense
of being really needed and wanted
which gives us the greatest satisfaction
and creates the most lasting bond.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Even the rich are hungry for love,
for being cared for, for being wanted,
for having someone to call their own.
- Mother Teresa
Today is the right day to do
what you have long wanted to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Some people wanted champagne and caviar
when they should have had beer and hot dogs.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
In my prayers I never said I needed a home.
I said I wanted a sanctuary.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Sometimes you get the results you wanted,
sometimes you don't.
What matters is that you did your best.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A somebody was once a nobody who wanted to and did.
- John Burroughs
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand.
"I just wanted to be sure of you."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I wanted to know the name of every stone
and flower and insect and bird and beast.
I wanted to know where it got its color, where it got its life -
but there was no one to tell me.
- George Washington Carver
I wanted to be a doctor that I might be able to work
without having to talk
because for years I had been giving myself out in words.
- Albert Schweitzer
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham
People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow
Money often costs too much.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words,
and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.
- Winston Churchill
Rules are mostly made to be broken
and are too often for the lazy to hide behind.
- Douglas MacArthur
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
- Anonymous
Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion
without the discomfort of thought.
- John F. Kennedy
One of the annoying things about believing in free will
and individual responsibility is the difficulty
of finding somebody to blame your problems on.
And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable
how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
- P. J. O'Rourke
The darkest night is often the bridge to the brightest tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
- Swedish Proverb
The price of freedom for a nation is lives and money.
Often, the price of freedom for an individual
is challenging the closed minds of family and friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is often easier to ask for forgiveness
than to ask for permission.
- Grace Hopper
Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.
- Harry S. Truman
Avoiding danger is no safer
in the long run than outright exposure.
The fearful are caught as often as the bold.
- Helen Keller
Indifference and neglect often
do much more damage than outright dislike.
- J. K. Rowling
To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)
Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often.
- Anonymous
Often the hands will solve a mystery
that the intellect has struggled with in vain.
- Carl Jung
Live boldly. Laugh Loudly. Love Truly.
Play as often as you can
Work as smart as you are able.
Share your heart as deeply as you can reach.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate.
- Socrates
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
- Chinese proverb often quoted by Eleanor Roosevelt
In time we hate that which we often fear.
- William Shakespeare
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; ...
Forgive them anyway.
- Kent Keith
(often attributed to Mother Teresa, who kept a copy
on the wall of her orphanage)
Often, the greatest joy is to be found not in new things,
but in old things seen through new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Books can only reveal us to ourselves,
and as often as they do us this service we lay them aside.
- Henry David Thoreau
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
- Mark Twain
Anger is often more hurtful than the injury that caused it.
- English Proverb
The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy
Small opportunities are often
the beginning of great enterprises.
- Demosthenes
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.