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Let these funny Convenience Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands
in moments of comfort and convenience,
but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
It is not the easy or convenient life
for which I search,
but life lived to the edge
of all that I may be.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
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Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.