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Let these funny Bette Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
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From one point of view, one individual's vote
doesn't make any difference whatsoever.
The probability of an election swinging
by a single vote is infinitesimal.
On the other hand, if everybody took the attitude
that voting didn't matter, there could never
be a democratically elected government - at all.
So, does your vote matter? You bet your vote matters.
And, at least as much as your vote matters,
your intention for the future of the world matters.
That's so important, it's worth saying again.
At Least As Much As Your Vote Matters,
Your Intention For The Future Of The Entire World Matters.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
For my part, I consider that it will be found much better
by all parties to leave the past to history,
especially as I propose to write that history myself.
- Winston Churchill
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
I always avoid prophesying beforehand,
because it is a much better policy to prophesy
after the event has already taken place.
- Winston Churchill
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
- sometimes attributed to Mark Twain, Abraham Lincoln, or Samuel Johnson
Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill
Today is probably a good day for something;
but it's a better day for doing nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
It's better to burn out, than to fade away.
- Neil Young
As a cure for worrying,
work is better than whiskey.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
Which form of proverb do you prefer
Better late than never, or Better never than late?
- Lewis Carroll
People living their lives for you on TV;
They say they're better than you, and you agree.
- Jewel
Our faith gives us knowledge of something better.
- E. F. Schumacher
Anger? perhaps there is a better way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
- Chinese proverb often quoted by Eleanor Roosevelt
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe
Why, I'd like nothing better than to achieve
some bold adventure, worthy of our trip.
- Aristophanes
The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel
Better learn balance. Balance is key.
Balance good, karate good. Everything good.
Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid
Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy
between the genius and his human qualities
that one has to ask oneself whether
a little less talent might not have been better.
- Carl Jung
I don't like that man.
I must get to know him better.
- Abraham Lincoln
Because we believe that our ethnic group,
our society, our political party, our God,
is better than your God, we kill each other.
- Neale Donald Walsch
Discretion is the better part of valor.
(originally "The better part of valor is discretion")
- William Shakespeare
To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
At the end of a matter ask,
"What will I learn from this to make me better?"
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Better learn balance. Balance is key.
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid
How could youths better learn to live
than by at once trying the experiment of living?
- Henry David Thoreau
A bad peace is better than a good war.
- Yiddish Proverb
Almost always, the creative dedicated minority
has made the world better.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act
is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
How many things there are concerning which we might
well deliberate whether we had better know them.
- Henry David Thoreau
The most telling act of true Faith
is celebrating the death of a loved one
with the certain knowledge that
they are now in a better place.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is any day better to stand erect
with a broken and bandaged head
then to crawl on one's belly,
in order to be able to save one's head.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It is better to conquer yourself
than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
- The Buddha
All life is an experiment.
The more experiments you make the better.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Poverty with security is better than plenty
in the midst of fear and uncertainty.
- Aesop
Fear is the cheapest room in the house.
I would like to see you living
In better conditions.
- Hafiz
Better late than never.
- Proverb
A truly good book teaches me better than to read it.
I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint.
What I began by reading, I must finish by acting.
- Henry David Thoreau
No one can give you better advice than yourself.
- Cicero
Just smiling goes a long way toward
making you feel better about life.
And when you feel better about life, your life is better.
- Art Linkletter
I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
- Thomas Jefferson
Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
- Samuel Beckett
Whatever your life's work is, do it well.
A man should do his job so well that the living,
the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Faith is much better than belief.
Belief is when someone else does the thinking.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
I soothe my conscience now with the thought that
it is better for hard words to be on paper
than that Mummy should carry them in her heart.
- Anne Frank
Better to be a nettle in the side of your friend than his echo.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ignorance and bungling with love
are better than wisdom and skill without.
- Henry David Thoreau
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction
is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please,
or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Sometimes good things fall apart
so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe
Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.
- Albert Camus
It is better to learn late than never.
- Publilius Syrus
Every day in every way I am getting better and better.
- Anonymous
I release the familiar that I may better discover my inspiring future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We can stand affliction better than we can prosperity,
for in prosperity we forget God.
- Dwight L. Moody
The "stories" we choose to tell about our past
are never what a video camera would have recorded.
We can tell a sad story or a happy story,
and neither story is either
more accurate or "better" than the other story.
The difference is that one story causes us to suffer,
while the other brings us joy. I choose joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is better to be in chains with friends,
than to be in a garden with strangers.
- Persian Proverb
Better do a good deed near at home
than go far away to burn incense.
- Amelia Earhart
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.