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Bette Midler Quotes
Funny Quotes by Bette Midler

Let these funny Bette Midler Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken


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A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie PHOTO


 

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda

Self-pity is our worst enemy
and if we yield to it,
we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller

Improve what you can
and accept all the rest of life
just as it comes.
Know that fear is your worst enemy -
perhaps your only enemy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A true friend sees the good in everything,
and brings out the best in the worst of things.
- Sasha Azevedo

The freedom we are looking for
is the freedom to be ourselves,
to express ourselves. But if we look at our lives
we will see that most of the time
we do things just to please others ...
The worst part is that most of us
are not even aware that we are not free.
-Don Miguel Ruiz

We may have found a cure for most evils;
but we have found no remedy for the worst of them all,
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as
your own unguarded thoughts.
- The Buddha

The worst prison would be a closed heart.
- Pope John Paul II

An optimist is one who makes the best
of what he gets the worst of.
- Anonymous

Through humor, you can soften some
of the worst blows that life delivers.
And once you find laughter,
no matter how painful your situation might be,
you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby

The worst sin toward our fellow creatures
is not to hate them,
but to be indifferent to them:
that's the essence of inhumanity.
- George Bernard Shaw

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe

Poverty is the worst form of violence.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

We fear both the best and the worst in life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government,
except all the others that have been tried.
- Winston Churchill

Know that fear is your worst enemy -
perhaps your only enemy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive.
He who is devoid of the power to forgive
is devoid of the power to love.
There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A leader is best when people barely know he exists,
not so good when people obey and acclaim him,
worst when they despise him.
But of a good leader, who talks little,
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say, "We did this ourselves."
- Lao Tzu

Your worst days are never so bad
that you are beyond the reach of God's grace.
And your best days are never so good
that you are beyond the need of God's grace.
- Anonymous

A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend,
one human soul whom we can trust utterly,
who knows the best and worst of us,
and who loves us in spite of all our faults.
- Charles Kingsley

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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