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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Bar Quotes
Funny Quotes about Bar

Let these funny Bar Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

An architect's most useful tools are
an eraser at the drafting board,
and a wrecking bar at the site.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

We may have our private opinions
but why should they be a bar to the meeting of hearts?
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world
doesn't mean you are wiser
than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
- Edward R. Murrow


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Not all Heroes wear capes.
- On an Apple Inc. "Genius Bar" T-shirt

The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry

People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry


 

No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry

A person who is nice to you,
but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
- Dave Barry

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Dave Barry

Your friends love you anyway.
- Dave Barry

You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Dave Barry

When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a solution
and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
- William Butler Yeats

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

We are stripped bare by the curse of plenty.
- Winston Churchill

And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
'Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

No one has been barred on account of his race
from fighting or dying for America,
there are no white or colored signs
on the foxholes or graveyards of battle.
- John F. Kennedy

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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