Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Assess Quotes
Funny Quotes about Assess

Let these funny Assess Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain


 

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Thank you for visiting: Funny Assess Quotes - Funny Quotes about Assess.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.