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Let these funny Witnessing Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Just one quality of the Buddha has to be remembered.
He consists only of one quality: witnessing.
This small word witnessing contains the whole of spirituality.
Witness that you are not the body.
Witness that you are not the mind.
Witness that you are only a witness.
As the witnessing deepens,
you start becoming drunk with the divine.
That is what is called ecstasy.
- Osho
The witnessing soul is like the sky.
The birds fly in the sky but they don't leave any footprints.
That's what Buddha says, that the man who is awakened
lives in such a way that he leaves no footprints.
He is without wounds and without scars; he never looks back -
there is no point. He has lived that moment so totally
that what is the need to look back again and again?
He never looks ahead, he never looks back, he lives in the moment.
- Osho
Life without a friend is like death without a witness.
- Spanish proverb
A vow is a purely religious act
which cannot be taken in a fit of passion.
It can be taken only with a mind purified
and composed and with God as witness.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
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Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Joy is a choice - but it isn't an easy choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.