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Funny Witness Quotes
Funny Quotes about Witness

Let these funny Witness Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

A vow is a purely religious act
which cannot be taken in a fit of passion.
It can be taken only with a mind purified
and composed and with God as witness.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Life without a friend is like death without a witness.
- Spanish proverb

Just one quality of the Buddha has to be remembered.
He consists only of one quality: witnessing.
This small word witnessing contains the whole of spirituality.
Witness that you are not the body.
Witness that you are not the mind.
Witness that you are only a witness.
As the witnessing deepens,
you start becoming drunk with the divine.
That is what is called ecstasy.
- Osho

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
- Winston Churchill


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Wit is the lowest form of humor.
- Alexander Pope

At twenty years of age the will reigns;
at thirty, the wit;
and at forty, the judgment.
- Benjamin Franklin

While the laughter of joy is in
full harmony with our deeper life,
the laughter of amusement
should be kept apart from it.
The danger is too great of thus learning
to look at solemn things in a spirit of mockery,
and to seek in them opportunities for exercising wit.
- Lewis Carroll


 

Our country is now taking so steady a course as to show
by what road it will pass to destruction,
to wit: by consolidation of power first,
and then corruption, its necessary consequence.
- Thomas Jefferson

The witnessing soul is like the sky.
The birds fly in the sky but they don't leave any footprints.
That's what Buddha says, that the man who is awakened
lives in such a way that he leaves no footprints.
He is without wounds and without scars; he never looks back -
there is no point. He has lived that moment so totally
that what is the need to look back again and again?
He never looks ahead, he never looks back, he lives in the moment.
- Osho

Everything deep is also simple
and can be reproduced simply
as long as its reference
to the whole truth is maintained.
But what matters is not what is witty
but what is true.
- Albert Schweitzer

A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire

The universe is full of magical things
patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
- Eden Phillpotts

The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II

Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry

Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

To the mind that is still,
the whole universe surrenders.
- Lao Tzu

Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The moral arc of the universe
bends at the elbow of justice.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

He who lives in harmony with himself
lives in harmony with the universe.
- Marcus Aurelius

Life is a mask through which the universe expresses itself.
- Frank Herbert

The goal of life is
to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe,
to match your nature with Nature.
- Joseph Campbell

We can allow satellites, planets, suns, universe,
nay whole systems of universes, to be governed by laws,
but the smallest insect, we wish
to be created at once by special act.
- Charles Darwin

Gratitude in advance is the most powerful
creative force in the universe.
- Neale Donald Walsch

There is no chance and anarchy in the universe.
All is system and gradation.
Every god is there sitting in his sphere.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If we spend the time we waste in sighing
for the perfect golden fruit
in fulfilling the conditions of its growth,
happiness will come, must come.
It is guaranteed in the very laws of the universe.
If it involves some chastening and renunciation, well,
the fruit will be all the sweeter for this touch of holiness.
- Helen Keller

In our willingness to give that which we seek,
we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.
- Deepak Chopra

I look for what needs to be done.
After all, that's how the universe designs itself.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

When we try to pick out anything by itself,
we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
- John Muir

Mind exists as a Principle in the universe,
just as electricity exists as a principle.
- Ernest Holmes

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
- Lao Tzu

The effort to understand the universe is one
of the very few things that lifts human life
a little above the level of farce,
and gives it some of the grace of tragedy.
- Steven Weinberg

The manifest universe is the body of God ...
all people are incarnations of the One Spirit.
- Ernest Holmes

A mind at peace, a mind centered
and not focused on harming others,
is stronger than any physical force in the universe.
- Wayne Dyer

I am one with the power and wisdom of the Universe.
I have all that I need.
- Louise L. Hay

When prayer removes distrust and doubt
and enters the field of mental certainty,
it becomes faith; and the universe is built on faith.
- Ernest Holmes

We live in a spiritual Universe.
God is in, through, around and for us.
- Ernest Holmes

As you simplify your life,
the laws of the universe will be simpler;
solitude will not be solitude,
poverty will not be poverty,
nor weakness weakness.
- Henry David Thoreau

There is a power for good in the universe
greater than you are and you can use it.
- Ernest Holmes

To discover joy is to return to
a state of oneness with the universe.
- Peggy Jenkins

The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
- John Muir

At the deepest level, there is no giver, no gift, and no recipient...
only the universe rearranging itself.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn

We live in a spiritual Universe.
- Ernest Holmes

I find hope in the darkest of days,
and focus in the brightest.
I do not judge the universe.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

That deep emotional conviction of the presence
of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed
in the incomprehensible universe, forms my idea of God.
- Albert Einstein

The Universe is one great kindergarten for man.
Everything that exists has brought
with it its own peculiar lesson.
- Orison Swett Marden

All the energy of the universe is mine
to use as spirit directs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Know thyself, and thou shalt know the Universe and God.
- Pythagoras

Know that miracles are the natural way of the Universe
Your only job is to move your doubting mind out of the way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserves your love and affection.
- The Buddha

The universe is wider than our views of it.
- Henry David Thoreau

The mind of man is continuously unfolding
into a greater recognition of its real plan
in the creative order of the Universe.
- Ernest Holmes

The universe must exist for the self-expression
of God and the delight of God.
- Ernest Holmes

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am so honored that the Power of the Universe
has chosen for me to be ME.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are just an advanced breed of monkeys
on a minor planet of a very average star.
But we can understand the Universe.
That makes us something very special.
- Stephen Hawking

It is well to remember that the
entire population of the universe,
with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
- Andrew J. Holmes

The cathedral of my God of no church
is the entirety of the universe.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Gratitude is an attitude that
hooks us up to our source of supply.
And the more grateful you are,
the closer you become to your maker,
to the architect of the universe,
to the spiritual core of your being.
- Bob Proctor

It is impossible for a man to conceal himself.
In every act, word or gesture,
he stands revealed as he is,
and not as he would have himself appear to be.
From the Universe, nothing is or can be hidden.
- Ernest Holmes

When we contemplate the whole globe as one great dewdrop,
striped and dotted with continents and islands,
flying through space with other stars
all singing and shining together as one,
the whole universe appears as an infinite storm of beauty.
- John Muir

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone
who is more deserving of your
love and affection than you are yourself,
and that person is not to be found anywhere.
You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe
deserve your love and affection.
- The Buddha

The secret of merging with Spirit
and recognizing the oneness of the whole Universe
cannot be learned in a lifetime, but can be revealed in a moment,
for it has always lived within each and every one of us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am a unique expression
of the universal fabric of creation;
I am that I am that I am.
In the eternity of all creation,
I am the only ME that ever will be;
and I am so honored that the Power of the Universe
has chosen for me to be ME.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What is a miracle? To some, it is an act of God.
To others, something amazing, extraordinary, or unexpected.
To me, Life is a miracle.
Everything that happens is a miracle.
There is no reason for me to exist as I do -
no reason for humanity, the universe, or the laws of Nature.
Energy, mass, gravity and the rest of existence
are all so improbable.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

New Year's eve is like every other night;
there is no pause in the march of the universe,
no breathless moment of silence among created things
that the passage of another twelve months may be noted;
and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening
that come with the coming of darkness on other nights.
- Hamilton Wright Mabie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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