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Let these funny Unkindly Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Use heroes as a springboard for inquiry
into the identity and nature of admirably human qualities.
Do not judge heroes -
neither to put them unquestioningly on a pedestal
nor to unkindly probe their flaws.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Forgiveness is the salve that heals
the wounds of unkind words and acts.
Forgive everyone for every hurt you have ever received -
for your own sake, that you may live in peace.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sweetest Lord, make me appreciative
of the dignity of my high vocation,
and its many responsibilities.
Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way
to coldness, unkindness, or impatience.
- Mother Teresa
The Sweetest Strawberry:
A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger.
He fled, the tiger after him.
Coming to a precipice,
he caught hold of the root of a wild vine
and swung himself over the edge.
The tiger sniffed at him from above.
Trembling, the man looked down to where,
far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him.
Only the vine sustained him.
Two mice, one white and one black,
little by little started to gnaw away the vine.
The man then saw a luscious strawberry near him.
Grasping the vine with one hand,
he plucked the strawberry with the other.
How sweet it tasted.
- Zen Koan
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.