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Let these funny Picturesque Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The language of excitement is at best picturesque merely.
You must be calm before you can utter oracles.
- Henry David Thoreau
Pictures must not be too picturesque.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
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I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
FEAR is an acronym in the English language
for "False Evidence Appearing Real."
- Neale Donald Walsch
One of the greatest cause of unhappiness -
perhaps even the only cause of unhappiness - is comparison.
I remember as a young child hearing my mother say,
"Comparisons are odious."
That is one of the oldest sayings in the English language,
and one of the most important.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Like music and art, love of nature is a common language
that can transcend political or social boundaries.
- Jimmy Carter
Writing is a dance with the uncertainties of language.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most of the fundamental ideas of science
are essentially simple,
and may, as a rule, be expressed
in a language comprehensible to everyone.
- Albert Einstein
The most dangerous phrase in the language is,
"We've always done it this way."
- Grace Hopper
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear,
and the blind can see.
- Mark Twain
A riot is, at bottom, the language of the unheard.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
We don't have a language for the senses.
Feelings are images,
sensations are like musical sounds.
- Anais Nin
The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau
If you talk to a man in a language he understands,
that goes to his head.
If you talk to him in his language,
that goes to his heart.
- Nelson Mandela
Use what language you will,
you can never say anything but what you are.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Language... has created the word "loneliness"
to express the pain of being alone.
And it has created the word "solitude"
to express the glory of being alone.
- Paul Tillich
I feel impelled to speak today in a language
that in a sense is new-one which I,
who have spent so much of my life in the military profession,
would have preferred never to use.
That new language is the language of atomic warfare.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Your purpose is to make your audience see what you saw,
hear what you heard, feel what you felt.
Relevant detail, couched in concrete,
colorful language, is the best way
to recreate the incident as it happened
and to picture it for the audience.
- Dale Carnegie
If what is seen and experienced is portrayed
in the language of logic,
we are engaged in science.
If it is communicated through forms
whose connections are not accessible
to the conscious mind but are
recognized intuitively as meaningful,
then we are engaged in art.
- Albert Einstein
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.