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Let these funny Midday Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Probably the happiest period in life
most frequently is in middle age,
when the eager passions of youth are cooled,
and the infirmities of age not yet begun;
as we see that the shadows,
which are at morning and evening so large,
almost entirely disappear at midday.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
Today is probably a good day for something;
but it's a better day for doing nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
If you have health, you probably will be happy,
and if you have health and happiness,
you have all the wealth you need, even if it is not all you want.
- Elbert Hubbard
What you don't do daily, you probably won't do weekly either.
What you make a habit of putting-off
just keeps getting pushed away again and again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped,
probably arboreal in its habits.
- Charles Darwin
Sister is probably the most competitive
relationship within the family,
but once the sisters are grown,
it becomes the strongest relationship.
- Margaret Mead
I haven't got any special religion this morning.
My God is the God of Walkers.
If you walk hard enough,
you probably don't need any other god.
- Bruce Chatwin
If you think you can,
or you think you can't,
you're probably right.
- Henry Ford
Nobody cares how much you know,
until they know how much you care.
- attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, among others,
but probably earlier and anonymous
In all our contacts, it is probably the sense
of being really needed and wanted
which gives us the greatest satisfaction
and creates the most lasting bond.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right,
you'll probably never do much of anything.
- Win Borden
If you don't know what you want, you will probably never get it.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
One man with courage makes a majority.
- old saying probably repeated by Andrew Jackson
(falsely attributed to Jefferson)
Anger is something that each one of us has experienced -
some of us only occasionally, some almost daily.
Can we eliminate all anger? Probably not.
We will always have expectations,
and those expectations will often be unmet.
Disappointment is the principle cause of anger.
When we are disappointed, we look for someone to blame.
Declaring someone to be at fault is the nature of anger.
Anger is always directed at someone -
possibly toward God or the non-specific "they,"
but at some animate entity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are disabled, it is probably not your fault,
but it is no good blaming the world or expecting it to take pity on you.
One has to have a positive attitude
and must make the best of the situation that one finds oneself in.
If one is physically disabled,
one cannot afford to be psychologically disabled as well.
- Stephen Hawking
It's the little things you do
that can make a big difference.
What are you attempting to accomplish?
What little thing can you do today
that will make you more effective?
You are probably only one step away from greatness.
- Bob Proctor
Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The Bible illustrated by Dore occupied many of my hours -
and I think probably gave me many nightmares.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.