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Let these funny Mechanical Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake,
not by mechanical aid, but by
an infinite expectation of the dawn.
- Henry David Thoreau
The spirit of democracy is not a mechanical thing
to be adjusted by abolition of forms.
It requires change of heart.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A man too busy to take care of his health is like
a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
- Spanish Proverb
A designer is an emerging synthesis of artist, inventor,
mechanic, objective economist and evolutionary strategist.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.