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Let these funny Diary Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary (2001)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
If you have never experienced the practice
of daily journaling, give it a try. I highly recommend it.
When I say "journaling," I am not referring to a diary
in which to record the events of your life,
I am talking about a place to record your feelings -
a friend with whom to share your troubles, fears, hopes, and dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My diary is a mirror telling the story of a dreamer who,
a long long time ago went through life the way one reads a book.
- Anais Nin
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May we so love as never to have occasion
to repent of our love!
- Henry David Thoreau
Determine never to be idle.
No person will have occasion to complain
of the want of time who never loses any.
It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing.
- Thomas Jefferson
Start living now.
Stop saving the good china
for that special occasion.
Stop withholding your love
until that special person materializes.
Every day you are alive is a special occasion.
Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.
- Mary Manin Morrissey
The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present.
The occasion is piled high with difficulty,
and we must rise with the occasion.
As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.
- Abraham Lincoln
Let us celebrate the occasion
with wine and sweet words.
- Plautus
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
- William Shakespeare
Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha
Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.
- Erich Segal
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.