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Let these funny Clothing Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
We can no more do without spirituality
than we can do without food, shelter, or clothing.
- Ernest Holmes
I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
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Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Beware of all enterprises that require a new set of clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
I say beware of all enterprises that require new clothes,
and not rather a new wearer of clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
You don't love someone for their looks,
or their clothes, or for their fancy car,
but because they sing a song only you can hear.
- Anonymous
Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.
- Henry Kaiser
Do not trouble yourself much
to get new things, whether clothes or friends...
Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.
- Henry David Thoreau
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Are creeds such simple things like the clothes
which a man can change at will - and put on at will?
Creeds are such for which people live for ages and ages.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Few people know how to take a walk.
The qualifications are endurance,
plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature,
good humor, vast curiosity, good speech,
good silence and nothing too much.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life is magnificent - just as it comes.
Life has no need for fancy clothes, or lipstick.
Life is no pig.
Our life is the greatest gift of all creation.
When we are unhappy with life -
when we are shocked by the stock market,
or dismayed by our choice of political candidates,
let us not lash out in anger.
But also, let us not try to pretty up life
with some lipstick and some party clothes.
See life clearly - no rose colored glasses -
and then CHOOSE to love life.
CHOOSE to be happy, be joyful, be grateful,
be forgiving of everyone and of every act
we believe has hurt us.
Life just "IS."
We get to CHOOSE our relationship with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The Moon Cannot Be Stolen:
A thief entered the little hut of a Zen Master,
but discovered there was nothing to steal.
The Zen Master discovered the thief.
"You have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler,
"and you should not return empty-handed.
Please take my clothes as a gift."
The thief was bewildered,
but he took the clothes and slunk away.
The Zen Master sat naked, watching the moon.
"Poor fellow," he mused,
"I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."
- Traditional Zen Koan
Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho,
when he fell into the hands of robbers.
They stripped him of his clothes, beat him
and went away, leaving him half dead.
A priest happened to be going down the same road,
and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.
So too, a Levite [religious leader],
when he came to the place and saw him,
passed by on the other side.
But a Samaritan [Samaritans and Jews generally disliked
and were suspicious of each other] came where the man was;
and when he saw him, he took pity on him.
He went to him and bandaged his wounds ... and ...
took him to an inn and took care of him. ...
Jesus [said] "Go and do likewise."
- Luke 10:25-37 (The Parable of the Good Samaritan)
If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired,
signifies in the final sense
a theft from those who hunger and are not fed,
those who are cold and are not clothed.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.