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Let these funny Beating Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Beating an opponent is not a goal,
but a by-product of success.
- John Wooden
It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers,
but for powers equal to our tasks,
to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door
of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal.
- Helen Keller
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
The goal of life is
to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe,
to match your nature with Nature.
- Joseph Campbell
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March to the beat of your own drum.
- Proverb
Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy.
- Anais Nin
Build a better mousetrap
and the world will beat a path to your door.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
- Friedrich Halm
Never mind what others do;
do better than yourself,
beat your own record from day to day,
and you are a success.
- William J. H. Boetcker
It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand.
I beat people up.
- Muhammad Ali (world champion boxer)
Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho,
when he fell into the hands of robbers.
They stripped him of his clothes, beat him
and went away, leaving him half dead.
A priest happened to be going down the same road,
and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.
So too, a Levite [religious leader],
when he came to the place and saw him,
passed by on the other side.
But a Samaritan [Samaritans and Jews generally disliked
and were suspicious of each other] came where the man was;
and when he saw him, he took pity on him.
He went to him and bandaged his wounds ... and ...
took him to an inn and took care of him. ...
Jesus [said] "Go and do likewise."
- Luke 10:25-37 (The Parable of the Good Samaritan)
The best slave does not need to be beaten. She beats herself.
- Erica Jong
If a man can... make a better mousetrap,
the world will make a beaten path to his door.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Towering genius disdains a beaten path.
It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.
- Abraham Lincoln
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It's almost a cinch you won't.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late the man who wins is the one who thinks he can.
- Anonymous
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.