Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Each man is the architect of his own fate.
- Appius Claudius
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Thank you for visiting: Each man is the architect of his own fate. ... by Appius Claudius.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.