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Funny Tool Quotes
Funny Quotes about Tool

Let these funny Tool Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

If the only tool you have is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow

If your only tool is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow

We must use time as a tool, not as a crutch.
- John F. Kennedy


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War is the ultimate tool of politics.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau

An architect's most useful tools are
an eraser at the drafting board,
and a wrecking bar at the site.
- Frank Lloyd Wright


 

A man too busy to take care of his health is like
a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
- Spanish Proverb

The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools,
but the gentle touches of air and water
working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time.
- Henry David Thoreau

Teachers are expected to reach unattainable goals with inadequate tools.
The miracle is that at times they accomplish this impossible task.
- Haim G. Ginott

Dependence begets subservience and venality,
suffocates the germ of virtue,
and prepares fit tools for the designs of ambition.
- Thomas Jefferson

Taoists understand that both the mind and the body
are mere tools of the Spirit,
and that intention creates physical reality.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you find your path, you must not be afraid.
You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes.
Disappointment, defeat, and despair are
the tools God uses to show us the way.
- Paulo Coelho

Discover the tools to build your own vision.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

You are not your mind. You, a Spiritual BEing,
are neither your mind nor your body.
Mind and body are your tools - to use as you choose.
Sometimes your body appears to have a will of its own,
as when it twitches or pains.
Likewise, your mind often appears to have its own will.
That incessant chattering of regret, disappointment, guilt,
shame, foreboding, worry, and fear
is your Rattlesnake Mind striking off on its own.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The means by which we live have outdistanced
the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein

It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Marilyn Monroe

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
- George Washington

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

In every society some men are born to rule,
and some to advise.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau

When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher

My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men.
- Robert E. Lee

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau

Who never walks save where he sees
men's tracks, makes no discoveries.
- J. G. Holland

It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson

I look only to the good qualities of men.
Not being faultless myself,
I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard

Every kind of peaceful cooperation among men
is primarily based on mutual trust
and only secondarily on institutions
such as courts of justice and police.
- Albert Einstein

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal

The revelation of thought takes men
out of servitude into freedom.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is a good ear, in some men,
that draws supplies to virtue
out of very indifferent nutriment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Just as a candle cannot burn without fire,
men cannot live without a spiritual life.
- The Buddha

Difficulties show men what they are.
In case of any difficulty,
remember that God has pitted you
against a rough antagonist
that you may be a conqueror,
and this cannot be without toil.
- Epictetus

Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail their failure must be
but a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart

We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason
if we dig deep in our history and remember
that we are not descended from fearful men,
not from men who feared to write, to speak,
to associate and to defend causes
which were for the moment unpopular.
- Edward R. Murrow

We believe that if men have the talent
to invent new machines that put men out of work,
they have the talent to put those men back to work.
- John F. Kennedy

Shallow men believe in luck.
Strong men believe in cause and effect.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Truth is the property of no individual
but is the treasure of all men.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every actual State is corrupt.
Good men must not obey laws too well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Republicans are men of narrow vision,
who are afraid of the future.
- Jimmy Carter

Real friendships among men are so rare
that when they occur they are famous.
- Clarence Day

We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Only free men can negotiate;
prisoners cannot enter into contracts.
Your freedom and mine cannot be separated.
- Nelson Mandela


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.