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Funny Theology Quotes
Funny Quotes about Theology

Let these funny Theology Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

I do not believe in the God of theology
who rewards good and punishes evil.
- Albert Einstein

Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark
cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there.
Theologians can persuade themselves of anything.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected
in a cosmic religion for the future:
It transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology;
it covers both the natural and the spiritual,
and it is based on a religious sense
aspiring from the experience of all things,
natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity.
- Albert Einstein


 

Faith is more basic than language or theology.
- Sydney Carter

I know the established Christian theology...
I know the enemy, but the enemy doesn't know me.
Thus the enemy has already lost the war.
- Sun Myung Moon

Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in
terms of the not worth knowing.
- H. L. Mencken


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Catholic theology believes that God gave man free will,
and you can't give somebody free will and then send
in a play from the sidelines.
- Roger Ebert

Pastoral theology and care helps people look deeper
at the intersection between their inherited religious
traditions and their current life situations.
- Larry Graham

Fruitful discourse in science or theology requires
us to believe that within the contexts of normal discourse
there are some true statements.
- Kenneth L. Pike

The Epistle to the Romans is an extremely important
synthesis of the whole theology of St.
Paul.
- Hans Kung

The humanities need to be defended to-day against the
encroachments of physical science,
as they once needed to be against the encroachment of theology.
- Irving Babbitt

Theology in general seems to me a substitution of human
ingenuity for divine wisdom.
- Julia Ward Howe

If the president is going to use so much language of theology and the Bible,
then let's use that language for a serious discussion about the war in Iraq.
And that was never done.
- Jim Wallis

I very rarely read any fiction.
I love biographies; I read about all kinds of people.
I love theology and some philosophy.
- Al Sharpton

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology,
of the phantom of God.
As long as we have a master in heaven,
we will be slaves on earth.
- Mikhail Bakunin

Life isn't like a book.
Life isn't logical or sensible or orderly.
Life is a mess most of the time.
And theology must be lived in the midst of that mess.
- Charles Caleb Colton

John Paul II made it clear that...
liberation theology based on the teaching of Jesus Christ was necessary,
but liberation theology that used a Marxist analysis was unacceptable.
- Claudio Hummes

The best theology is rather a divine life than a divine knowledge.
- Jeremy Taylor

There is too much theology in the Church now,
and too little of the Gospel.
- Lewis Tappan

Conservative New Testament studies could also provide
an intellectually satisfying alternative to German
biblical criticism and to the liberal theology that accompanied it.
- John Gresham Machen

Theology is anthropology.
- Anselm Feuerbach

The best theology would need no advocates;
it would prove itself.
- Karl Barth

What makes you a Christian is whether or not you really
are in accord with biblical theology and whether you
know Jesus Christ as your Saviour.
- Walter Martin

In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person.
Yes, it is women who keep the church going.
- Don Marquis

The hell to be endured hereafter, of which theology tells,
is no worse than the hell we make for ourselves in
this world by habitually fashioned our characters in the wrong way.
- William James

Let us put theology out of religion.
Theology has always sent the worst to heaven,
the best to hell.
- Robert Green Ingersoll

The function of Theology? The recitation of the incomprehensible
by the unspeakable to pick the pockets of the unthinking.
- Robert Anton Wilson

Theology is a science of mind applied to God.
- Henry Ward Beecher

If we take science as our sole guide,
if we accept and hold fast that alone which is verifiable,
the old theology must go.
- John Burroughs

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
- Christopher Morley

Our theology is still in a time of crisis,
and I think this will last for some years more.
- Godfried Danneels

Theology is the logic of the Devil.
- Jose Bergamin

There is only one theology, but there are many theologians.
- Athenagoras I

For the first time in our history, ideology and theology
hold a monopoly of power in Washington.
- Bill Moyers

Theology made no provision for evolution.
The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all!
Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?
- E. O. Wilson

The result has been that although few conservative
Presbyterian churches actually worship in the Puritan way,
the Puritan theology of worship remains the standard orthodoxy among them.
This discrepancy sometimes leads to guilty consciences.
- John Frame

My theology is such that the God who loves Israel and
will not forsake Israel -
which is why I want to see Israel have a secure nation with secure borders -
also loves the Palestinians.
- Tony Campolo

I feel that the Christian experience and the Jewish
one have much to give each other.
If this open society continues and there is no return
to political anti-Semitism,
then this encounter, deeper than any theology,
may happen.
- Lionel Blue

If atheism is to be used to express the state of mind
in which God is identified with the unknowable,
and theology is pronounced to be a collection of meaningless
words about unintelligible chimeras,
then I have no doubt, and I think few people doubt.
- Leslie Stephen

What has 'theology' ever said that is of the smallest
use to anybody? When has 'theology' ever said anything
that is demonstrably true and is not obvious? What
makes you think that 'theology' is a subject at all?
- Richard Dawkins

Before Vatican II, in theology, as in other areas,
the discipline was fixed.
After the council there has been a revolution -
a chaotic revolution -
with free discussion on everything.
There is now no common theology or philosophy as there was before.
- Godfried Danneels

It seems obvious to me that the notion of God has never
been anything but a kind of ideal projection,
a reflection upward of the human personality,
and that theology never has been and never can be anything
but a more and more purified mythology.
- Alfred Loisy

For many decades now - and certainly during my adult life in academe -
the Western intellectual world has not been convinced
that theology is a pursuit that can be engaged in with
intellectual honesty and integrity.
- Arthur Peacocke

Well, it's because I gladly acknowledge some ideas
that are part of process theology,
but which I think are not tied to all the details of process thought,
and are very illuminating and helpful.
- John Polkinghorne

When theology erodes and organization crumbles,
when the institutional framework of religion begins to break up,
the search for a direct experience which people can
feel to be religious facilitates the rise of cults.
- Daniel Bell

Science cannot tell theology how to construct a doctrine of creation,
but you can't construct a doctrine of creation without
taking account of the age of the universe and the evolutionary
character of cosmic history.
- John Polkinghorne

I say that democracy can never prove itself beyond cavil,
until it founds and luxuriantly grows its own forms of art,
poems, schools, theology, displacing all that exists,
or that has been produced anywhere in the past,
under opposite influences.
- Walt Whitman

What I think I have in common with the school of deconstruction
is the mode of negative thinking or negative awareness,
in the technical, philosophical sense of the negative,
but which comes to me through negative theology.
- Harold Bloom

Me and my father went through a war period where we wasn't talking.
He wanted me to go to theology school -
I didn't want to go.
I wanted to do music.
I told him I was a minister through music.
- Wyclef Jean

I also think we need to maintain distinctions -
the doctrine of creation is different from a scientific cosmology,
and we should resist the temptation,
which sometimes scientists give in to,
to try to assimilate the concepts of theology to the concepts of science.
- John Polkinghorne

I don't believe in dogmas and theologies.
I just believe in being a good person.
- Robert Mapplethorpe

All your Western theologies, the whole mythology of them,
are based on the concept of God as a senile delinquent.
- Tennessee Williams

One either has to believe in a God who's terribly prejudiced,
or disbelieve the teachings of such exclusionary theologies.
Religions have taught us that 'we are better than they.'
- Neale Donald Walsch

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

I believe in equality for everyone,
except reporters and photographers.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that
he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken

We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm.
- Winston Churchill

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

The future belongs to those
who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis

Anyone who can worship a trinity
and insist that his religion is a monotheism
can believe anything.
- Robert A Heinlein

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools,
but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
- Bill Cosby

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin


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