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Let these funny Misuse Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Stupidity is also a gift of God,
but one mustn't misuse it.
- Pope John Paul II
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
The difference between stupidity and genius
is that genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein
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Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous
than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can,
only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.
- Margaret Mead
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.
- Khalil Gibran
Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George
Falling in love and having a relationship
are two different things.
- Keanu Reeves
We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus
This is the answer to all questions about relationship.
When two people sing their lives in harmony,
their lives are grand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
People generally complain about only two things:
when they have less than yesterday,
and when they have less than their neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth;
not going all the way, and not starting.
- The Buddha
Pride comes in two flavors -
be careful which you choose -
choose honor, not ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All philosophy lies in two words,
sustain and abstain.
- Epictetus
People sort themselves into groups
of happy people and unhappy people
through two different, but complementary mechanisms,
influence and affinity.
I influence those around me
with my emotional state, either happy or unhappy.
At the same time, I feel an affinity
for others who are like me in some way -
in this case by sharing my emotional outlook on life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A wise man hears one word and understands two.
- Yiddish Proverb
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
- Aristotle
If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela
The Two Great Lessons of Life: Choose Love & Trust God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
- Mencius
Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.
- Aristotle
There are two kinds of stones,
as everyone knows,
one of which rolls.
- Amelia Earhart
There are two means of refuge
from the miseries of life:
music and cats.
- Albert Schweitzer
Winners must have two things:
definite goals and a burning desire to achieve them.
- Anonymous
It takes two to speak the truth:
one to speak, and another to hear.
- Henry David Thoreau
Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons
to promote the good and happiness of one another.
- Eustace Budgell
I had three chairs in my house;
one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
- Henry David Thoreau
There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith
The two powers which in my opinion constitute a wise man
are those of bearing and forbearing.
- Epictetus
As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
- Audrey Hepburn
Friendship is not possible between two women
one of whom is very well dressed.
- Laurie Colwin
Pride comes in two flavors -
choose honor, not ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As a rock star, I have two instincts,
I want to have fun, and I want to change the world.
I have a chance to do both.
- Bono
You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
Cause and effect are two sides of one fact.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The career of a sage is of two kinds:
He is either honored by all in the world,
Like a flower waving its head,
Or else he disappears into the silent forest.
- Lao Tzu
At the beginning and at the end of love,
the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.
- Jean de la Bruyere
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.