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Let these funny Creditable Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Training - training is everything; training is all there is to a person.
We speak of nature; it is folly; there is no such thing as nature;
what we call by that misleading name is merely heredity and training.
We have no thoughts of our own, no opinions of our own;
they are transmitted to us, trained into us.
All that is original in us, and therefore fairly creditable
or discreditable to us, can be covered up and hidden
by the point of a cambric needle, all the rest being atoms
contributed by, and inherited from, a procession of ancestors
that stretches back a billion years to the Adam-clam
or grasshopper or monkey from whom our race has been
so tediously and ostentatiously and unprofitably developed.
And as for me, all that I think about in this plodding sad pilgrimage,
this pathetic drift between the eternities,
is to look out and humbly live a pure and high and blameless life,
and save that one microscopic atom in me that is truly me:
the rest may land in Sheol and welcome for all I care.
- Mark Twain in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth
Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell
What this country needs is a credit card for
charging things to experience.
- Tom Wilson
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I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker
Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben
We are not to give credit to the many,
who say that none ought to be educated but the free;
but rather to the philosophers,
who say that the well-educated alone are free.
- Epictetus
It is amazing how much you can accomplish
when it doesn't matter who gets the credit.
- Anonymous
There is no limit to what a man can do
or where he can go,
if he doesn't mind who gets the credit.
- Robert Woodruff
Only aim to do your duty,
and mankind will give you credit where you fail.
- Thomas Jefferson
Friendship, like credit, is highest when it is not used.
- Elbert Hubbard
It stands to the everlasting credit of science
that by acting on the human mind
it has overcome man's insecurity
before himself and before nature.
- Albert Einstein
The Spirit is described in the Holy Scriptures
as much more anarchic than any established religion credits.
- Bono
Social progress can be measured
by the social position of the female sex.
- Karl Marx
(German philosopher and political economist
whose ideas are credited as the foundation of modern communism)
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.
- Margaret Mead
Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity
opinions which differ from
the prejudices of their social environment.
Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.
- Albert Einstein
Interdependence is and ought to be
as much the ideal of man as self-sufficiency.
Man is a social being.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Another day, another dollar, another war, another tower
Went up where the homeless had their home.
- Jewel
History will have to record that the greatest tragedy
of this period of social transition
was not the strident clamor of the bad people,
but the appalling silence of the good people.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A nation that continues year after year
to spend more money on military defense
than on programs of social uplift
is approaching spiritual doom.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The value of a dollar is social,
as it is created by society.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best political, social, and spiritual work we can do
is to withdraw the projection of our shadow onto others.
- Carl Jung
As in geology, so in social institutions,
we may discover the causes of all past changes
in the present invariable order of society.
- Henry David Thoreau
Wisdom I know is social.
She seeks her fellows.
But Beauty is jealous,
and illy bears the presence of a rival.
- Thomas Jefferson
Like music and art, love of nature is a common language
that can transcend political or social boundaries.
- Jimmy Carter
I claim that human mind or human society
is not divided into watertight compartments
called social, political and religious.
All act and react upon one another.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A friend or co-worker shares a political,
religious, economic, or social opinion
that is opposite to yours -
does that drive a wedge between your hearts?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We all have a social mask, right?
We put it on, we go out, put our
best foot forward, our best image.
But behind that social mask is a personal truth,
what we really, really believe
about who we are and what we're capable of.
- Phil McGraw
Law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice
and when they fail in this purpose
they become the dangerously structured dams
that block the flow of social progress.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
There is nobody in this country who got rich on their own. Nobody. You built a factory out there - good for you. But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory... Now look. You built a factory and it turned into something terrific or a great idea - God bless! Keep a hunk of it. But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along."
- Elizabeth Warren
Until the great mass of the people shall be filled
with the sense of responsibility for each other's welfare,
social justice can never be attained.
- Helen Keller
If we are to achieve a richer culture, rich in contrasting values,
we must recognize the whole gamut of human potentialities,
and so weave a less arbitrary social fabric,
one in which each diverse human gift will find a fitting place.
- Margaret Mead
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.