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Let these funny Conducts Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority
is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.
- Leonardo da Vinci
'Tis the business of little minds to shrink,
but they whose heart is firm,
and whose conscience approves their conduct,
will pursue their principles unto death.
- Thomas Paine
Remember, upon the conduct of each depends the fate of all.
- Alexander the Great
I do not hold fear about what is happening in the world.
I am responsible for how I conduct myself in the events of my days,
and endeavor to not dwell in fear about anything.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices,
a rottenness begins in his conduct.
- Thomas Jefferson
When virtue is lost, benevolence appears,
when benevolence is lost right conduct appears,
when right conduct is lost, expedience appears.
Expediency is the mere shadow of right and truth;
it is the beginning of disorder.
- Lao Tzu
I desire so to conduct the affairs
of this administration that, if at the end...
I have lost every other friend on earth,
I shall at least have one friend left,
and that friend shall be down inside of me.
- Abraham Lincoln
There is an orderliness in the universe,
there is an unalterable law governing everything
and every being that exists or lives.
It is no blind law; for no blind law can govern
the conduct of living beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This report, by its very length, defends itself
against the risk of being read.
- Winston Churchill
Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster
If you have a job without any aggravations, you don't have a job.
- Malcolm S. Forbes (wealthy publisher)
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Winners Dream Big Dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore
Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie
If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Individually, we are one drop.
Together, we are an ocean.
- Ryunosuke Satoro
You can discover what your enemy fears most
by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
- Michael Moncur
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.
- Albert Camus
Give somebody a gold star - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker
Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo
It's work only if I say it's work,
but it's play if I say it's fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In business or in life, don't follow the wagon tracks too closely.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
Only he is successful in his business who makes that pursuit
which affords him the highest pleasure sustain him.
- Henry David Thoreau
Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The man of genius inspires us with
a boundless confidence in our own powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The wicked leader is he who the people despise.
The good leader is he who the people revere.
The great leader is he who the people say, "We did it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu
About leadership: No person can be a great leader
unless he takes genuine joy
in the successes of those under him.
- W. A. Nance
The expert in battle seeks his victory
from strategic advantage
and does not demand it from his men.
- Sun Tzu
If you want to be incrementally better: Be competitive.
If you want to be exponentially better: Be cooperative.
- Anonymous
The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.
- Mark Twain
It is better to displease the people
by doing what you know is right.
- William J. H. Boetcker
The biggest mistake we could ever make in our lives
is to think we work for anybody but ourselves.
- Brian Tracy
The buck stops here.
- Harry S. Truman
Lead follow or get out of the way.
- Thomas Paine
Battles are won by slaughter and maneuver.
The greater the general, the more he contributes in maneuver,
the less he demands in slaughter.
- Winston Churchill
Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Acknowledgment, award, appreciation.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Never hold discussions with the monkey
when the organ grinder is in the room.
- Winston Churchill
The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do not hire a man who does your work for money,
but him who does it for love of it.
- Henry David Thoreau
Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly.
It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.
- Henry Ford
Prepare for the unknown by studying how others in the past
have coped with the unforeseeable and the unpredictable.
- George S. Patton
The timid man yearns for full value and demands a tenth.
The bold man strikes for double value and compromises on par.
- Mark Twain
If there is any one secret of success,
it lies in the ability to get
the other person's point of view
and see things from that person's angle
as well as from your own.
- Henry Ford
An enemy generally says and believes what he wishes.
- Thomas Jefferson
Example is leadership.
- Albert Schweitzer
Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another
as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.
- Thomas Jefferson
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
- Anonymous
What work I have done I have done because it has been play.
If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
- Mark Twain
If you love what you are doing, you ARE a success.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Trust men and they will be true to you;
treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A leader is best when people barely know he exists;
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say: we did it ourselves.
- Lao Tzu
You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
The man who has won millions at the cost of his conscience is a failure.
- B. C. Forbes
Successful people ask better questions,
and as a result, they get better answers.
- Tony Robbins
The success of a project is best predicted
by the enthusiasm of its participants.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Management is doing things right;
leadership is doing the right things.
- Peter F. Drucker
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.