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Let these funny Thomas Paine Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Lead follow or get out of the way.
- Thomas Paine
The slavery of fear had made men afraid to think.
But such is the irresistible nature of truth,
that all it asks, and all it wants, is the liberty of appearing.
- Thomas Paine, Rights of Man, 1791
'Tis the business of little minds to shrink,
but they whose heart is firm,
and whose conscience approves their conduct,
will pursue their principles unto death.
- Thomas Paine
The strength and power of despotism
consists wholly in the fear of resistance.
- Thomas Paine
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You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
Everything that irritates us about others
can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
- Carl Jung
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau
We are not afraid to follow truth
wherever it may lead,
nor to tolerate any error
so long as reason is left free to combat it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Do not follow where the path may lead.
Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Where are you going? Where does your path lead?
You can never know the future, yet wandering aimlessly
is unlikely to be the source of a fulfilling life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To lead a great life:
Dream, Take Action, Repeat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Though force can protect in emergency,
only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation
can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
You manage things, you lead people.
- Grace Hopper
A hero may or may not lead other people,
but all heroes lead themselves.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela
Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.
- Albert Camus
Being human, we are imperfect. That's why we need each other.
To catch each other when we falter.
To encourage each other when we lose heart.
Some may lead; others may follow; but none of us can go it alone.
- Hilary Clinton
Education makes people easy to lead, but difficult to drive;
easy to govern, but impossible to enslave.
- Henry Peter Brougham
Blessed is he who has learned to admire but not envy,
to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter,
and to lead but not manipulate.
- William Arthur Ward
Unconditional war can no longer lead to unconditional victory.
It can no longer serve to settle disputes...
can no longer be of concern to great powers alone.
- John F. Kennedy
To lead people walk behind them.
- Lao Tzu
You don't lead by hitting people over the head -
that's assault, not leadership.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Don't try to manage people;
You manage things; You lead people.
- Grace Hopper
If sex and creativity are often
seen by dictators as subversive activities,
it's because they lead to the knowledge
that you own your own body
(and with it your own voice), and that's
the most revolutionary insight of all.
- Erica Jong
Pain is a difficult companion. There's no getting around that.
But, if pain is to be a companion, searching and discovering
your own best ways to travel with that pain
will lead you to the joy that you long to have.
They are your paths, your ways and while my experience
and the experiences of others may inspire you,
ultimately it will be the choices you discover
and make for yourself that lead you to certain joy
in the midst of your challenges.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I confess that there is nothing to teach:
no religion, no science, no writings
which will lead your mind back to Spirit.
Today I speak this way, tomorrow that,
but always the Path is beyond words and beyond mind.
- Lao Tzu
(paraphrase)
It is better to lead from behind
and to put others in front,
especially when you celebrate victory
when nice things occur.
You take the front line when there is danger.
Then people will appreciate your leadership.
- Nelson Mandela
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.