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Let these funny Carried Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
No man will ever carry out of the Presidency
the reputation which carried him into it.
- Thomas Jefferson
No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt
There is no point at which you can say,
"Well, I'm successful now.
I might as well take a nap."
- Carrie Fisher
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Clouds come floating into my life,
no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky.
- Rabindranath Tagore
If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ
in color for a full hour,
there would be a considerable number of stations
which would decline to carry it on the grounds
that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
- Edward R. Murrow
Trust your own inner guidance.
Have faith that your steps are
carrying you toward your dreams.
Keep your eyes on the heavens
and believe that your feet will carry you well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All major religious traditions
carry basically the same message,
that is love, compassion and forgiveness.
The important thing is they should
be part of our daily lives.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Whosoever is spared personal pain
must feel himself called
to help in diminishing the pain of others.
We must all carry our share of
the misery which lies upon the world.
- Albert Schweitzer
Freedom makes a huge requirement of every human being.
With freedom comes responsibility.
For the person who is unwilling to grow up,
the person who does not want to carry is own weight,
this is a frightening prospect.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
To carry each other is not a burden at all
but a kind of privilege.
- Bono
Today, I Allow Spirit To Carry All My Burdens.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I soothe my conscience now with the thought that
it is better for hard words to be on paper
than that Mummy should carry them in her heart.
- Anne Frank
I must uphold my ideals,
for perhaps the time will come
when I shall be able to carry them out.
- Anne Frank
Maturity is the ability to do a job
whether or not you are supervised,
to carry money without spending it,
and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.
- Ann Landers
Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful,
we must carry it with us or we find it not.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who promises everything, is sure to fulfill nothing,
and everyone who promises too much is in danger of
using evil means in order to carry out his promises,
and is already on the road to perdition.
- Carl Jung
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
- West African proverb famously quoted by Theodore Roosevelt
Ritual is the way you carry the presence of the sacred.
Ritual is the spark that must not go out.
- Christina Baldwin
If we are to teach real peace in this world,
and if we are to carry on a real war against war,
we shall have to begin with the children.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Whenever you choose to carry resentment and hatred,
you are shouldering an immense burden that damages
your happiness, and often your health.
Does it matter that your resentment and hatred are "justified?"
Only you suffer - not the person you resent.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The grass is not always greener
on the other side of the fence.
Fences have nothing to do with it.
The grass is greenest where it is watered.
When crossing over fences, carry water with you
and tend the grass wherever you may be.
- Anonymous
Let today be a day to trust your own inner guidance,
a day to have faith that your steps are carrying you
in the direction you desire,
a day to keep your eyes on the heavens
and believe that your feet will carry you well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals,
because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out.
Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything
I still believe that people are really good at heart.
- Anne Frank
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
- Theodore Roosevelt
The bluebird carries the sky on his back.
- Henry David Thoreau
You are a little soul carrying around a corpse.
- Epictetus
There is no person in this room whose basic rights
are not involved in any successful defiance
to the carrying out of court orders.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
To believe in a just law of cause and effect,
carrying with it a punishment or a reward,
is to believe in righteousness.
- Ernest Holmes
Liar is a strong word, but we are all liars.
Not in the sense of intentionally speaking untruths,
but in the sense of carrying so much historical
and emotional baggage that none of us is believable.
To lie means to speak an untruth,
and virtually everything that comes out of our mouth
is an untruth - an opinion, an assumption,
a point-of-view based on our past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I feel the same way about solitude as some people
feel about the blessing of the church.
It's the light of grace for me.
I never close my door behind me without the awareness
that I am carrying out an act of mercy toward myself.
- Peter Hoeg
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.