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Let these funny Apparent Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Feeling overwhelmed by apparent demands on our time
is like going to a restaurant,
ordering everything on the menu,
and complaining about indigestion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be open to the goodness of life -
even in the midst of apparent adversity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
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Treat those who are good with goodness,
and also treat those who are not good with goodness.
Thus goodness is attained.
Be honest to those who are honest,
and be also honest to those who are not honest.
Thus honesty is attained.
- Lao Tzu
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
- Thomas Jefferson
Give your time and efforts freely or not at all.
When you are tempted to say,
"Oh, if I have to, I'll skip my golf game
and watch my daughter play soccer," don't do it.
Either generate the heart-felt emotion
to make the free-will gift,
"I'd love to watch your game today, Sandy,"
or the honesty to decline the request gracefully.
Martyrdom doesn't create happiness
for any of the parties involved.
An honest, "No" is preferable to a coerced "Yes."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Only good comes from being honest and true.
Only harm and suffering come from falsehood.
It doesn't always feel as if good comes from truth and honesty,
but, in the long run, it does.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I am easily satisfied with the very best.
- Winston Churchill
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill
We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.
- Jacqueline Schiff
If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln
That's what Tiggers do best!
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Short words are best
and the old words, when short, are best of all.
- Winston Churchill
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz
You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
- E. Joseph Cossman
The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.
- Anonymous
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook
Today is a day to cover your best weapons in velvet.
Go gently into the world.
Hold your anger.
Keep your competitive spirit in check.
Some day you will need your fierce weapons,
but not today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein
There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker
Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank
If you're doing your best,
you won't have any time to worry about failure.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
When the best leader's work is done the people say,
"We did it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu
When it hurts to look back,
and you're scared to look ahead,
you can look beside you
and your best friend will be there.
- Anonymous
That government is best which governs the least,
because its people discipline themselves.
- Thomas Jefferson
Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
Best friends listen to what you don't say.
- Anonymous
In times of great stress or adversity,
it's always best to keep busy,
to plow your anger and your energy
into something positive.
- Lee Iacocca
The best mirror is an old friend.
- Proverb
For a people who are free, and who mean to remain so,
a well-organized and armed militia is their best security.
- Thomas Jefferson
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe
The language of excitement is at best picturesque merely.
You must be calm before you can utter oracles.
- Henry David Thoreau
One of the illusions of life is that the present hour
is not the critical, decisive hour.
Write it on your heart that
every day is the best day in the year.
No man has learned anything rightly,
until he knows that every day is Doomsday.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The success of a project is best predicted
by the enthusiasm of its participants.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laughter is the best medicine.
- Anonymous
I did not wish to take a cabin passage,
but rather to go before the mast
and on the deck of the world,
for there I could best see
the moonlight amid the mountains.
I do not wish to go below now.
- Henry David Thoreau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.