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Let these funny Empirical Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The grand aim of all science is to cover
the greatest number of empirical facts
by logical deduction from
the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms.
- Albert Einstein
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
- Anonymous
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
Life is a grand adventure - enjoy the ride.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Know that the essence of life is not
in the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Consciously adopt the mindset of a young child,
to whom all of life is a grand adventure.
Life is your playground.
Fashion grand castles and sweeping boulevards,
defeat fire-breathing dragons,
leap tall buildings in a single bound.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are
something to do,
something to love,
and something to hope for.
- Joseph Addison
This is the answer to all questions about relationship.
When two people sing their lives in harmony,
their lives are grand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous
He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.