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Let these funny Compassionately Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people
is that they trigger confusion in us
that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with.
To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves,
we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes.
- Pema Chodron
We attract abundance when we ask from a compassionate heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
With courage, you will dare to take risks,
have the strength to be compassionate,
and the wisdom to be humble.
Courage is the foundation of integrity.
- Keshavan Nair
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Know that you can have whatever you want,
when you ask from a compassionate heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My compassionate intents are generally received clearly
and acted upon - perhaps not immediately,
or in exactly the way I hope -
but acted upon favorably, nonetheless.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A small compassionate act enlarges the scope of community.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
A willingness to laugh at itself is what distinguishes
a compassionate religion from a cult.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are no small acts of kindness.
Every compassionate act makes large the world.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Like a Dolphin, I am Graceful, Powerful, and Compassionate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I choose to be caring, compassionate and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Know that the true essence of the Golden Rule
is always being compassionate, kind,
generous, and being in service to others.
Compelling others to behave as you wish
them to behave in the name of the
Golden Rule is a corruption of a sacred principle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"Being practical" is the antithesis of having faith and love.
"Being practical" is an expression of fear.
When you live from love and faith, you will be compassionate,
confident, and loving -- and no longer feel the need to "be practical."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
How far you go in life depends on you being
tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving
and tolerant of the weak and the strong.
Because someday in life you will have been all of these.
- George Washington Carver
Living Into the Great Paradox,
I strive toward my vision,
while accepting gratefully whatever life serves up.
I work to bring about my vision of the future,
which is based on my value system of what is right,
just, noble, compassionate, generous, humane, peaceful, and loving.
Simultaneously, I accept that my vision
is based on only my opinions and prejudices,
and I honor all points of view and value systems,
no matter how different from my own.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The holiday season promotes
a heightened sense of community.
It draws our chins up and
helps us look above and over
the limiting fence of our own events,
activities and preoccupations.
The opportunity for a heroic gesture
can tap you quietly on the shoulder
in the midst of a holiday bustle.
If you are attentive,
you will notice the gentle touch
and will be able to respond. Remember...
There are no small acts of kindness.
Every compassionate act makes large the world.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If you have zest and enthusiasm
you attract zest and enthusiasm.
Life does give back in kind.
- Norman Vincent Peale
We have to let go of all blame, all attacking, all judging,
to free our inner selves to attract what we say we want.
- Joe Vitale
You can attract only that which you mentally become
and feel yourself to be in reality.
- Ernest Holmes
There is a magnet in your heart
that will attract true friends.
That magnet is unselfishness,
thinking of others first;
when you learn to live for others,
they will live for you.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.