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Let these funny Predicted Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The success of a project is best predicted
by the enthusiasm of its participants.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker
I predict future happiness for Americans
if they can prevent the government
from wasting the labors of the people
under the pretense of taking care of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
Those who have knowledge, don't predict.
Those who predict, don't have knowledge.
- Lao Tzu
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While most managers spend their time attempting
to predict the future accurately -
and while that's valuable -
the best managers are able to generate a future
which was not going to happen otherwise -
that is, a future which was not predictable.
- Werner Erhard
There are all kinds of futures.
There is a hoped-for future,
there is a feared future,
there is a predictable future,
and there is an unimagined future.
- Werner Erhard
If life were predictable
it would cease to be life,
and be without flavor.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Occurrences in this domain are beyond the reach of exact prediction
because of the variety of factors in operation,
not because of any lack of order in nature.
- Albert Einstein
Every decision you make - every decision -
is not a decision about what to do.
It's a decision about Who You Are.
When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes.
You begin to see life in a new way.
All events, occurrences, and situations
turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.
- Neale Donald Walsch
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING that has ever occurred
to bring me to this moment.
I accept that no one else is ever to blame
for either my joy or my suffering.
The entire cause of all my joys and all my sufferings
is my own emotional response to the events of my life,
and I am committed to consistently distinguishing
between my feelings about events
and the physical occurrences of those events.
I declare that everyone who has ever played
any role in any of the events of my life
is entirely without fault.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I think that somehow, we learn who we really are
and then live with that decision.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Choose your life's mate carefully.
From this one decision will come
90 percent of all your happiness or misery.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The most difficult thing is the decision to act,
the rest is merely tenacity.
The fears are paper tigers.
You can do anything you decide to do.
You can act to change and control your life;
and the procedure, the process is its own reward.
- Amelia Earhart
Every decision you make ...
is a decision about Who You Are.
- Neale Donald Walsch
Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The risk of a wrong decision is preferable
to the terror of indecision.
- Maimonides
My decision to register women confirms what is already obvious
throughout our society -
that women are now providing
all types of skills in every profession.
The military should be no exception.
- Jimmy Carter
Once you have seen the truth
you must make the decision to let go
of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to.
This requires you to take action.
If you are attached to your pain, resentment,
and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions,
this will be a difficult step for you.
Taking action requires letting go of the very thing
you have been holding on to for so many years.
There is comfort in what we find familiar,
even if we are experiencing pain and suffering.
The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek.
It takes absolute faith in yourself
plus courage, will, and discipline to let go.
But once you let go, it will be as if
the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders.
In this process it is important to forgive
not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves.
For most people, giving ourselves
the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.
- Sheri Rosenthal
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie
No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie
The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank
I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein
Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein
The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The earth is like a spaceship
that didn't come with an operating manual.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.