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Andre Gide Quotes
Funny Quotes by Andre Gide

Let these funny Andre Gide Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

It is only in adventure that some people
succeed in knowing themselves -
in finding themselves.
- Andre Gide

To know how to free oneself is nothing;
the arduous thing is to know what to do with one's freedom.
- Andre Gide

Believe those who are seeking the truth.
Doubt those who find it.
- Andre Gide


 

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO


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You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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