Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
by Zorba The Greek

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)

There are three types of lies -
lies, damn lies, and statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
- David Farragut


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous


 

Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Trust:
Perhaps you trust your doctor,
your lawyer, your boss - perhaps not.
Perhaps you trust in a "Higher Power" - perhaps you don't.
Trust is something that we become aware of in unusual situations,
such as a once-in-a-lifetime ride on a zip-line,
but most of the time, we become oblivious
to the trust we have, or don't have.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's YOUR time - it's YOUR life -
YOU get to choose how you use it. T
here is no way that your life is "supposed" to be.
Your parents had their vision for your life.
Your boss, your spouse, your church, your friends,
and even the family next door have their ideas
of how you should live your life.
What about YOUR vision for your life?
What do YOU want?
YES, it matters what you want.
YES you can have what you want.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield

Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein

Bureaucrats: they are dead at 30 and buried at 60.
They are like custard pies; you can't nail them to a wall.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin

Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous

Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers

Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead

Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth
are rotting when I listen to the radio.
- Bono

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Self confident independent thinker -
sounds like the makings of a hero.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Chanting OM is sort of like MOOing backward.
- Anonymous

I have spent many years of my life in opposition,
and I rather like the role.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov


Thank you for visiting: Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it. by Zorba The Greek.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.