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George of Langkloof Quotes
Funny Quotes by George of Langkloof

Let these funny George of Langkloof Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

If you may count every drop of water in the ocean and
count every grain of sand in the sea -
multiply it by a thousand and that's how much I love you.
- George of Langkloof

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO


 

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill PHOTO


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It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed) PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

I don't need you to remind me of my age.
I have a bladder to do that for me.
- Stephen Fry

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you
hear but forgetting where you heard it.
- Laurence J. Peter

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

My uncle Sammy was an angry man.
He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
- Margaret Smith

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch
too many of them together.
- Josh Billings

Any girl can be glamorous.
All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr

Never have more children than you have car windows.
- Erma Bombeck

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

Always end the name of your child with a vowel,
so that when you yell, the name will carry.
- Bill Cosby

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb
cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
- Dave Barry

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Phyllis Diller

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as
you're insightful about it.
- Dennis Miller

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
- Steven Wright

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
- Bill Cosby


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.