Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Gary Allen Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Life ain't always beautiful,
but it's a beautiful ride.
- Gary Allen
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
- Friedrich Nietzsche
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
Thank you for visiting: Gary Allen Quotes - Funny Quotes by Gary Allen.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.