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Let these funny Epicurus Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Riches do not exhilarate us so much with their possession
as they torment us with their loss.
- Epicurus
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
Not what we have,
but what we enjoy,
constitutes our abundance.
- Epicurus
What we enjoy constitutes our abundance.
- Epicurus
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Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.
- Epicurus
If thou wilt make a man happy,
add not unto his riches but take away from his desires.
- Epicurus
Skillful pilots gain their reputation
from storms and tempest.
- Epicurus
It is not so much our friends' help that helps us,
as the confidence of their help.
- Epicurus
I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
What does coffee and donuts have to do with God?
- the movie Simon Birch (1998)
I don't doubt God. I have firm faith absolutely in God.
It's religion I'm doubting.
- Bono
God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
God has cared for these trees,
saved them from drought, disease, avalanches,
and a thousand tempests and floods.
But he cannot save them from fools.
- John Muir
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I tremble for my country when I reflect that God
is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.
- Thomas Jefferson
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
God is a concept by which we measure our pain.
- John Lennon
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau
God is at play,
I am his modeling clay.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
God doesn't make junk.
- Anonymous
Mother is the name for God
in the lips and hearts of little children.
- William Makepeace Thackeray
Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden
Every child comes with the message
that God is not yet discouraged of man.
- Rabindranath Tagore
The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
From the solemn gloom of the temple
children run out to sit in the dust,
God watches them play and forgets the priest.
- Rabindranath Tagore
I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts
I cannot persuade myself that a
beneficent and omnipotent God
would have designedly created parasitic wasps
with the express intention of their feeding
within the living bodies of caterpillars.
- Charles Darwin
When the vast cathedral of our being
becomes a sanctuary for all creation,
we become the face of God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To know God, watch a butterfly return to the same tree -
after a year and a thousand miles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)
In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln
Because we believe that our ethnic group,
our society, our political party, our God,
is better than your God, we kill each other.
- Neale Donald Walsch
Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
- William Shakespeare
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank
Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken
There are people in the world so hungry,
that God cannot appear to them
except in the form of bread.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need
but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
- 1 John 3:17
Stupidity is also a gift of God,
but one mustn't misuse it.
- Pope John Paul II
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
Each one prays to God according to his own light.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Friends are the siblings God never gave us.
- Mencius
Your talent is God's gift to you.
- Leo Buscaglia
Part of me suspects that I'm a loser,
and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty.
- John Lennon
Heaven means to be one with God.
- Confucius
Everything is God
- don Miguel Ruiz
God is in, through, around and for us.
- Ernest Holmes
You don't choose your family.
They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.
- Desmond Tutu
Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor
Prayer doesn't change God, but changes him who prays
- Soren Kierkegaard
Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before,
but rather allowing what is now to move us closer to God.
- Ram Dass
God does not play dice.
- Albert Einstein
I think wholeness is God's design for us;
and that often amounts to embracing contradictions.
- Bono
God has no religion.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Security is not the absence of danger,
but the presence of God,
no matter what the danger.
- Anonymous
The inherent nature of God
is not changed by our individual beliefs,
our religious institutions,
or our communal traditions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.