Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z


Get a Humorous, Yet Insightful, Quote of the Day each day by email.
Follow funny-quotes-life.com by Email:


Every man thinks God is on his side. ...
by Jean Anouilh

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin PHOTO


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx


 

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I


Thank you for visiting: Every man thinks God is on his side. ... by Jean Anouilh.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.