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Let these funny Archimedes Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Give me a lever long enough
and a fulcrum on which to place it,
and I shall move the world.
- Archimedes
Eureka.
- Archimedes - upon discovering the scientific principle
of displacement while on his bathtub.
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
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You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
All gods are homemade, and it is we who pull their strings,
and so, give them the power to pull ours.
- Aldous Huxley
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields
Give me the luxuries of life
and I will willingly do without the necessities.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
It is more agreeable to have the power to give than to receive.
- Winston Churchill
Every spirit makes its house,
and we can give a shrewd guess
from the house to the inhabitant.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Anonymous
He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong
Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
- written on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor
Give thanks for the rain in your life
which waters the flowers of your soul.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde
One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations...
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
- Winston Churchill
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
I give thanks for both my bloom and my thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln
Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous
You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Don't give energy to perceived dislikes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I Am One With Spirit and All Creation -
I give thanks for the unity of all creation
and for everything that has brought me to this moment.
I release my entire being to the gentle nurture of Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan
Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If self-validation were our
most significant societal measure -
we would give trophies to ourselves.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
We all have our thorns. We, and Life, have our moments.
Life occurs before our morning coffee.
Life occurs in our bathrobe with our hair uncombed.
Bless and give thanks for All of Life - the bloom and the thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Our opportunity is to Soar our Spirit.
To see Light and Joy in everything.
To spread our wings and fly boldly.
To give thanks for rainbows and butterflies -
our symbols of renewal and rebirth.
To offer daily Thanksgiving - for ourselves, our family,
our friends, our community, for the whole world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)
I won't give up 'til goats sing and walruses fly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Give a boy address and accomplishments
and you give him the mastery
of palaces and fortunes where he goes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is neither wealth nor splendor;
but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness.
- Thomas Jefferson
If you have zest and enthusiasm
you attract zest and enthusiasm.
Life does give back in kind.
- Norman Vincent Peale
Give somebody a gold star - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
- John D. Rockefeller
To give up yourself without regret is the greatest charity.
- Bodhidharma
I Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving -
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING
that has ever occurred to bring me to this moment.
I give thanks for the joys and the sufferings,
the moments of peace and the flashes of anger,
the compassion and the indifference,
the roar of my courage and the cold sweat of my fear.
I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
- Henry David Thoreau
If you would take, you must first give,
this is the beginning of intelligence.
- Lao Tzu
As we let our light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence actually liberates others.
- Marianne Williamson
I give thanks for the blessings of this food
as a symbol of my gratitude
for all the manifold blessings of this life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Let me give you a definition of ethics:
It is good to maintain and further life
it is bad to damage and destroy life.
- Albert Schweitzer
The main purpose of life is to live rightly, think rightly, act rightly.
The soul must languish when we give all our thought to the body.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
We are rich only through what we give,
and poor only through what we refuse.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Books are the greatest gift one person can give another.
- Bono
It is never too late to give up our prejudices.
- Henry David Thoreau
They who can give up essential liberty
to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin
Give yourself the gift of forgiving
everyone you are angry with -
for every action you resent.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't ever give up.
- Anonymous
I Give Thanks for EVERYTHING that has Occurred
to Bring Me to This Instant.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act
is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If you have only one smile in you,
give it to the people you love.
Don't be surly at home,
then go out in the street
and start grinning good morning
at total strangers.
- Maya Angelou
Know that time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
You give your own meaning to time, as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love wasn't put in your heart to stay.
Love isn't love until you give it away.
- Michael W. Smith
No one can give you freedom but you.
- Byron Katie
Know that the greatest gift you can give the world is your happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never, never, never give up.
- Winston Churchill
Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.
- Michel de Montaigne
Give yourself permission to allow this moment to be exactly as it is,
and allow yourself to be exactly as you are.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
The enlightened give thanks
for what most people take for granted.
- Michael Beckwith
No partner in a love relationship...
should feel that he has to give up
an essential part of himself to make it viable.
- May Sarton
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.