Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z


Get a Humorous, Yet Insightful, Quote of the Day each day by email.
Follow funny-quotes-life.com by Email:


If at first you don't succeed,
by W. C. Fields

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields

I am free of prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
- W. C. Fields


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down
rat holes with baited breath.
- W. C. Fields

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain


 

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

After the first blush of sin, comes its indifference.
- Henry David Thoreau

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Get the facts first.
You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

Those who have free seats at a play hiss first.
- Chinese Proverb

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
- Anonymous

We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

Faith is taking the first step,
even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
- Anonymous

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

All things at first appear difficult.
- Chinese proverb

To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore

Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first
and the lessons afterwards.
- Anonymous

Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

During the first period of a man's life
the greatest danger is not to take the risk.
- Soren Kierkegaard

BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler

The first quality that is needed is audacity.
- Winston Churchill

Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you,
then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Recognizing my blindness is the first step
toward regaining my sight.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do first things first, and second things not at all.
- Peter F. Drucker

Today is the first and last day of forever.
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith

First say to yourself what you would be;
then do what you have to do.
- Epictetus

You have a row of dominoes set up;
you knock over the first one,
and what will happen to the last one
is that it will go over very quickly.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

All truth passes through three stages:
First, it is ridiculed;
Second, it is violently opposed;
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Life is a journey. It is not a race to test
who can finish first or who can end up with the most loot.
Rather, life is best enjoyed as a meander -
watching the view to left and right - above and below -
as the days slowly move past in dress review.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Think simple" as my old master used to say -
meaning reduce the whole of its parts
into the simplest terms,
getting back to first principles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child,
we should first examine it and see whether it is
not something that could better be changed in ourselves.
- Carl Jung

A holiday, the day I first named you, "friend."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction,
is the first and only object of good government.
- Thomas Jefferson

Do not say, "It is morning,"
and dismiss it with a name of yesterday.
See it for the first time
as a newborn child that has no name.
- Rabindranath Tagore

A leader is not one who says, "Follow me."
A leader is one who says, "I'll go first."
- Neale Donald Walsch

For the very first time the young are
seeing history being made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

Give me six hours to chop down a tree
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
- Abraham Lincoln

Be gentle first with yourself -
if you wish to be gentle with others.
- Lama Yeshe

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself -
and you are the easiest person to fool.
- Richard Feynman

Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities...
because it is the quality which guarantees all others.
- Winston Churchill

Put on your own oxygen mask first.
- Airline companies

It's all right for a woman to be, above all, human.
I am a woman first of all.
- Anais Nin

Today, I Do What Is Important To Me, First.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Thank you for visiting: If at first you don't succeed, by W. C. Fields.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.