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Let these funny Decisively Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Choose wisely - then act decisively. Do it today!
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One of the illusions of life is that the present hour
is not the critical, decisive hour.
Write it on your heart that
every day is the best day in the year.
No man has learned anything rightly,
until he knows that every day is Doomsday.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Like a Cat, I am Independent, Patient, Alert, and Decisive.
When the time is right, I pounce on opportunity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
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Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.