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Funny T-Shirt Sayings - Funny T-Shirt Quotes

Please enjoy these Funny T-Shirt Sayings and Funny T-Shirt Quotes from my large collection of funny sayings and funny quotes.

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken


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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain


 

Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken

I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
- Roy Croft

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasow

The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.
- Henry David Thoreau

The language of friendship is not words but meanings.
- Henry David Thoreau

A true friend is a source of strength and hope.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Friendship must dare to risk, or it's not friendship.
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard in the TV show Star Trek: The Next Generation

Fear makes strangers of people who would otherwise be friends.
- Shirley MacLaine

It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confidence of their help.
- Epicurus

A true friend is a rock upon whom you can depend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fate makes us family. choice makes us friends.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Friends share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand.
- Henri Nouwen

It is a great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults; greater to tell him his.
- Benjamin Franklin

A friend is someone who won't stop until he finds you and brings you home.
- Fraser Sr. in the movie Due South

Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer

A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world.
- Leo Buscaglia

Friends... they cherish one another's hopes. They are kind to one another's dreams.
- Henry David Thoreau

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin

Half a truth is often a great lie.
- Benjamin Franklin

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
- Mark Twain

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
- Mark Twain

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
- Will Rogers

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
- Ogden Nash

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.
- Benjamin Franklin

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain

Some people are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
- Isaac Asimov

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- Groucho Marx

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
- Will Rogers

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
- Will Rogers

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

A true friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.
- Anonymous

Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.
- Anne Frank

As we light a path for others, we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson

True Love burns the brightest, But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.
- Anonymous

The only way to have a friend is to be one.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend in need is a friend indeed.
- Latin Proverb

I get by with a little help from my friends.
- John Lennon

Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A friend is someone who understands my past, believes in my future, and accepts me just the way I am.
- Anonymous

It's so easy to fall in love but hard to find someone who will catch you.
- Anonymous

Every goodbye is the birth of a memory.
- Dutch Proverb

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.
- Charles Caleb Colton

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
- Mark Twain

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.
- Oscar Wilde

There are no good-byes, wherever we are, you'll always be in my heart.
- Anonymous

Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
- Mencius

I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

A true friend is the one who walks in when others walk out.
- Walter Winchell

Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.
- George Eliot

A friendship that can end never really began.
- Publilius Syrus

Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.
- Chinese proverb

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.
- Anonymous

A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.
- Anonymous

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

Tears and laughter cleanse the heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.
- Richard Bach

A good-bye is never painful unless you're never going to say hello again.
- Anonymous

Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love.
- Anonymous

The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge.
- Bertrand Russell

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
- Anonymous

It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich


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