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Funny Birthday Quotes - Funny Birthday Sayings

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

Enjoy these Funny Birthday Quotes and Funny Birthday Sayings.

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.
- Anonymous

It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.
- Brigitte Bardot

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
- Bob Hope

Just remember, once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
- Charles Schultz

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As you get older three things happen.
The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
- Norman Wisdom

Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.
- Bennett Cerf

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Getting old ain't for sissies.
- Bette Davis


The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
- E. Joseph Cossman

Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty.
- Joan Rivers

We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
- Anonymous

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- Lucille Ball

Life would be infinitely happier
if we could only be born at the age of eighty
and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake.
It's like, "See if you can blow this out."
- Jerry Seinfeld

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
- Bob Hope

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.
- Maurice Chevalier

I was in a bar and I said to a friend, "You know,
we've become those 40-year-old guys we used to look at and say, 'Isn't it sad?"
- George Clooney

Getting older is no problem.
You just have to live long enough.
- Groucho Marx

The "I just woke up" face of your 30's is the "all day long" face of your 40's.
- Libby Reid

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.
- Benjamin Franklin

Time and Tide wait for no man,
but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
- Robert Frost

The really frightening thing about middle age is knowing you'll grow out of it.
- Doris Day

At the age of 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us;
at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us;
at 40, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all.
- Anonymous

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
- Anonymous

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight,
and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
- Helen Rowland

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgement.
- Benjamin Franklin

I've reached an age when I can't use my youth as an excuse for my ignorance any more.
- Janet Bonellie

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday
but never remembers her age.
- Robert Frost

Last week the candle factory burned down.
Everyone just stood around and sang,"'Happy Birthday."
- Steven Wright

Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened.
- Cora Harvey Armstrong

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.
- Annie Hall (1977)

The best years of a woman's life - the ten years between 39 and 40.
- Anonymous

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- Jack Benny

You know you're getting old when everything hurts.
And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
- Hy Gardner

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down, but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- Deconstructing Harry (1997)

What most persons consider as virtue, after the age of 40 is simply a loss of energy.
- Voltaire

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest.
You are always being asked to do things,
and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
- T. S. Eliot

Hear no evil, speak no evil - and you'll never be invited to a party.
- Oscar Wilde

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown.
No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge,
with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be,
that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end.
Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
- Anonymous

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.