Funny Government Quotes
Funny Quotes about Government

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

Speeches that are measured by the hour
will die with the hour.
- Thomas Jefferson

Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly,
usually for the same reason.
- Anonymous

It is dangerous to be right in matters
on which the established authorities are wrong.
- Voltaire

I tremble for my country when I reflect that God
is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.
- Thomas Jefferson

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb

I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill

Credulity - willingness to accept
unsupported statements without demanding proof -
is the greatest ally of the dictator and the demagogue.
- Arthur C. Clarke

Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson

Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job:
it's a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S. Truman

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

I can make more generals, but horses cost money.
- Abraham Lincoln

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
- Oscar Wilde

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated,
journalism keeps us in touch
with the ignorance of the community.
- Oscar Wilde

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

Most people's historical perspective
begins with the day of their birth.
- Rush Limbaugh

Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe,
our class, and our nation;
and this means we must develop a world perspective.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie"
until you can find a rock.
- Will Rogers

If Hitler invaded hell
I would make at least a favorable reference
to the devil in the House of Commons.
- Winston Churchill

Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted
with the government of himself.
Can he, then be trusted with the government of others?
Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him?
Let history answer this question.
- Thomas Jefferson

Authority has every reason to fear the skeptic,
for authority can rarely survive in the face of doubt.
- Robert Lindner

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Although prepared for martyrdom,
I preferred that it be postponed.
- Winston Churchill

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
- H. L. Mencken

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy

These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people
by the people for the people.
- Oscar Wilde

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving.
I hope mine is interesting and self-serving.
- William J. Clinton

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Almost any sect, cult, or religion will
legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

The inherent vice of capitalism
is the unequal sharing of blessings;
the inherent virtue of socialism
is the equal sharing of miseries.
- Winston Churchill

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.
- Albert Einstein

A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Winners Dream Big Dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The natural cause of the human mind
is certainly from credulity to skepticism.
- Thomas Jefferson

All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.