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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Man Quotes
Funny Quotes about Man

Let these funny Man Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin PHOTO

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx


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I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner


 

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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