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Funny War Quotes
Funny Quotes about War

Let these funny War Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

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The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)


I can make more generals, but horses cost money.
- Abraham Lincoln

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart

If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Naturally, the common people don't want war ...
but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy,
and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along,
whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship,
or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship.
Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought
to the bidding of the leaders.
That is easy. All you have to do is tell them
they are being attacked,
and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism
and exposing the country to danger.
It works the same in every country.
- Hermann Goering

Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore

War makes thieves and peace hangs them.
- George Herbert

We have no enemies,
we have only friendships that we haven't yet developed
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Only the dead have seen the end of the war.
- George Santayana

There is no avoiding war; it can only be postponed to the advantage of others.
- Niccolo Machiavelli

War is hell.
- William Tecumseh Sherman

I have never advocated war except as a means of peace.
- Ulysses S. Grant

War is not an adventure. It is a disease. It is like typhus.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

War is only a cowardly escape from the problems of peace.
- Thomas Mann

When the war of the giants is over,
the wars of the pygmies will begin.
- Winston Churchill

Older men declare war. But it is the youth that must fight and die.
- Herbert Hoover

I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy.
- John Adams

War would end if the dead could return.
- Stanley Baldwin

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- Bertrand Russell

Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war that we know about peace, more about killing that we know about living.
- Omar N. Bradley

A visitor from Mars could easily pick out the civilized nations. They have the best implements of war.
- Herbert V. Prochnow

It is well that war is so terrible. We should grow too fond of it.
- Robert E. Lee

The scenes on this field would have cured anybody of war.
- William Tecumseh Sherman

War grows out of the desire of the individual to gain advantage at the expense of his fellow man.
- Napoleon Hill

The first casualty when war comes is truth.
- Hiram Johnson

War is a series of catastrophes which result in victory.
- Albert Pike

Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.
- Carl Sandburg

It has too often been too easy for rulers and governments to incite man to war.
- Lester B. Pearson

In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons.
- Herodotus

If we don't end war, war will end us.
- H. G. Wells

We have war when at least one of the parties to a conflict wants something more than it wants peace.
- Jeane Kirkpatrick

When you are winning a war
almost everything that happens
can be claimed to be right and wise.
- Winston Churchill

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
- George S. Patton

In modern war... you will die like a dog for no good reason.
- Ernest Hemingway

The power to wage war is the power to wage war successfully.
- Charles Evans Hughes

War is the symptom, not the disease.
- L. M. Heroux

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.
- Jeannette Rankin

I do not believe that the men who served in uniform in Vietnam have been given the credit they deserve. It was a difficult war against an unorthodox enemy.
- William Westmoreland

We prefer world law in the age of self-determination
to world war in the age of mass extermination.
- John F. Kennedy

The way to win an atomic war is to make certain it never starts.
- Omar N. Bradley

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse.
- John Stuart Mill

War is the unfolding of miscalculations.
- Barbara Tuchman

The problems of victory are more agreeable
than those of defeat,
but they are no less difficult.
- Winston Churchill

All war is deception.
- Sun Tzu

John Dalton's records, carefully preserved for a century, were destroyed during the World War II bombing of Manchester. It is not only the living who are killed in war.
- Isaac Asimov

When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die.
- Jean-Paul Sartre

We have been travelling through a cloud. The sky has been dark ever since the war began.
- Black Kettle

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
- Winston Churchill

When people speak to you about a preventive war,
you tell them to go fight it.
After my experience, I have come to hate war.
War settles nothing.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

When you have to kill a man,
it costs nothing to be polite.
- Winston Churchill

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
- Will Rogers

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime.
- Ernest Hemingway

An unjust peace is better than a just war.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

Patriots always talk of dying for their country and never of killing for their country.
- Bertrand Russell

The power of an air force is terrific
when there is nothing to oppose it.
- Winston Churchill

We are all tourists in history, and irony is what we win in wars.
- Anatole Broyard

If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery
as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man.
All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are,
the more they are frightened.
- George S. Patton

All warfare is based on deception.
- Sun Tzu

Ten soldiers wisely led will beat a hundred without a head.
- Euripides

What is human warfare but just this;
an effort to make the laws of God and
nature take sides with one party.
- Henry David Thoreau

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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