Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Present Quotes
Funny Quotes about Present

Let these funny Present Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson PHOTO

Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"I" is a non-stop storyteller, spinning tales
of the past, the present and the future -
constantly editing, interpreting
and directing this inner movie.
- Josh Baran


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


I Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving -
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING
that has ever occurred to bring me to this moment.
I give thanks for the joys and the sufferings,
the moments of peace and the flashes of anger,
the compassion and the indifference,
the roar of my courage and the cold sweat of my fear.
I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can't change the past,
but you can ruin the present
by worrying about the future.
- Anonymous

Forgiveness ... is the finishing of old business
that allows us to experience the present,
free of contamination from the past.
- Joan Borysenko


 

The ability to be in the present moment
is a major component of mental wellness.
- Abraham Maslow

Peace and abstinence from European interferences are our objects,
and so will continue while the present
order of things in America remain uninterrupted.
- Thomas Jefferson

Training yourself to live in the present -
without regretting the past or fearing the future -
is a recipe for a happy life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In rivers, the water that you touch
is the last of what has passed
and the first of that which comes;
so with present time.
- Leonardo da Vinci

It is a mark of soulfulness to be present in the here and now.
When we are present, we are not fabricating inner movies.
We are seeing what is before us.
- John Bradshaw

Who controls the past controls the future.
Who controls the present controls the past.
- George Orwell

A friend is a present you give yourself.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way:
on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn

We take care of the future best by taking care of the present now.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn

The past has no power over the present moment.
- Eckhart Tolle

As in geology, so in social institutions,
we may discover the causes of all past changes
in the present invariable order of society.
- Henry David Thoreau

I choose to live my life in the present, with consciousness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One of the illusions of life is that the present hour
is not the critical, decisive hour.
Write it on your heart that
every day is the best day in the year.
No man has learned anything rightly,
until he knows that every day is Doomsday.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If we open a quarrel between past and present,
we shall find that we have lost the future.
- Winston Churchill

Stop wishing and fearing the future
long enough to be fully present in TODAY.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever you are angry, be assured that
it is not only a present evil,
but that you have increased a habit.
- Epictetus

The heart knows nothing of the past,
nothing of the future;
it knows only of the present.
- Osho

For time and the world do not stand still.
Change is the law of life.
And those who look only to the past or the present
are certain to miss the future.
- John F. Kennedy

The distinction between the past, present and future
is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
- Albert Einstein

Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why it is called Present.
- Anonymous

Do the small things of life with a relaxed awareness.
When you are eating, eat totally -
chew totally, taste totally, smell totally.
Touch your bread, feel the texture.
Smell the bread, smell the flavor.
Chew it, let it dissolve into your being.
- Osho

Gain happiness by living in the present -
without regret for the past or fear of the future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

He who spends time regretting the past,
loses the present and risks the future.
- Quevedo

Lighten up! Slow down the shopping.
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
Consider gifting hand-made cards with messages
of true appreciation in place of store-bought presents.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fill your heart with the creative power
to accept the past,
decorate the present
and transform the future.
- Osho

When we come into the present,
we begin to feel the life around us again,
but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding.
We must have the courage to face whatever is present -
our pain, our desires, our grief,
our loss, our secret hopes our love -
everything that moves us most deeply.
- Jack Kornfield

Do not dwell in the past,
do not dream of the future,
concentrate the mind on the present moment.
- The Buddha

I do not want to foresee the future.
I am concerned with taking care of the present.
God has given me no control over the moment following.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Change is the law of life.
And those who look only to the past or the present
are certain to miss the future.
- John F. Kennedy

I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The secret of health for both mind and body
is not to mourn for the past,
nor to worry about the future,
but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.
- The Buddha

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it
is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
- William Arthur Ward

You must live in the present,
launch yourself on every wave,
find your eternity in each moment.
- Henry David Thoreau

The present is the ever moving shadow
that divides yesterday from tomorrow.
In that lies hope.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

How paramount the future is to the present
when one is surrounded by children.
- Charles Darwin

History is a relentless master.
It has no present, only the past rushing into the future.
To try to hold fast is to be swept aside.
- John F. Kennedy

Living in the present moment requires discretion toward memory.
Without memory we'd have amnesia. What good would there be in that?
Offer discretion and discernment for our past
with a broad spectrum of forgiveness.
As for our present moment, delight.
And dedication to remain fully present to all the possibility.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded.
It's a relationship between equals.
Only when we know our own darkness well
can we be present with the darkness of others.
Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.
- Pema Chodron

The mind exists in time, in fact the mind is time;
it exists in the past and the future.
And remember, time consists of only two tenses,
the past and the future.
The present is not part of time,
the present is part of eternity.
- Osho

If the present Congress errs in too much talking,
how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people
send one hundred and fifty lawyers,
whose trade it is to question everything,
yield nothing, and talk by the hour?
- Thomas Jefferson

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.
- Lao Tzu

The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present.
The occasion is piled high with difficulty,
and we must rise with the occasion.
As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.
- Abraham Lincoln

The essence of all religions is One.
Surrender is the main duty of everyone.
Surrender means the feeling of oneness,
I and God are One. Why?
The reason is that the One
who is present in you is present in me.
- Sri Sathya Sai Baba

I have become my own version of an optimist.
If I can't make it through one door,
I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door.
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Patience is an ever present alternative
to the mind's endemic restlessness and impatience.
Scratch the surface of impatience and what you will find
lying beneath it, subtly or not so subtly, is anger.
It's the strong energy of not wanting things to be the way they are
and blaming someone (often yourself) or something for it.
This doesn't mean you can't hurry when you have to.
It is possible even to hurry patiently, mindfully,
moving fast because you have chosen to.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn

On this day, as on every day,
we Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving.
We have gratitude for EVERYTHING
that has ever occurred to bring us to this moment.
We give thanks for the joys and the sufferings,
the moments of peace and the flashes of anger,
the compassion and the indifference,
the roar of our courage
and the cold sweat of our fear.
We accept gratefully the entirety
of our past and our present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is always a present and extant life,
be it better or worse,
which all combine to uphold.
- Henry David Thoreau

Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity.
- Albert Einstein

I am trying to own my own opinions
and offer what I know as an option,
just as I would present a tray of appetizers for my guests.
Here are several choices that I have created -
if one looks good you are welcome to take it.
In other words, I am training myself to say,
"May I tell you how it is for me?"
When I ask the question, it means waiting
for the invitation to share.
It also means being prepared for my friend to say,
"No." They don't want to know.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

On His Blindness:
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.
- John Milton (1608-1674)

A fool is one who goes on trusting;
a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
You deceive him, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you.
Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn.
His trust is tremendous; his trust is
so pure that nobody can corrupt it.
Be a fool in the Taoist sense, in the Zen sense.
Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around you.
Whatsoever experience comes to you,
let it happen, and then go on dropping it.
Go on cleaning your mind continuously;
go on dying to the past so you remain in the present here-now,
as if just born, just a babe.
- Osho

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

Your children need your presence
more than your presents.
- Jesse Jackson

A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil;
but it needs a little much of letters and phone calls
and small, silly presents every so often -
just to save it from drying out completely.
- Pam Brown

Instead of being presented with stereotypes
by age, sex, color, class, or religion,
children must have the opportunity
to learn that within each range,
some people are loathsome and some are delightful.
- Margaret Mead

Every natural fact is a symbol of some spiritual fact.
Every appearance in nature corresponds to some state of the mind,
and that state of the mind can only be described
by presenting that natural appearance as its picture.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The most important service rendered
by the press and the magazines
is that of educating people
to approach printed matter with distrust.
- Samuel Butler

I look forward to these confrontations with the press
to kind of balance up the nice and pleasant things
that come to me as president.
- Jimmy Carter

No government ought to be without censors;
and where the press is free no one ever will.
- Thomas Jefferson

Man's task is to become conscious of the contents
that press upward from the unconscious.
- Carl Jung

Where the press is free and every man
is able to read, all is safe.
- Thomas Jefferson

Namaste is a greeting of unity and acceptance
that recognizes the equality of all,
and pays honor to the sacredness of interconnection.
The sense of Namaste is
"The God in me greets the God in you,
I bow to the divine in you."
While saying Namaste, press the palms of the hands together
in front of the heart and bow the head slightly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happiness blooms
in the presence of self-respect
and the absence of ego.
Love yourself.
Love everyone around you.
Love everyone in the whole world.
Know that your own life is of infinite importance,
as is every other life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When an idea reaches critical mass
there is no stopping the shift
its presence will induce.
- Marianne Williamson


Thank you for visiting: Funny Present Quotes - Funny Quotes about Present.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.