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Let these funny Pieces Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
When someone you love dies,
you don't lose them all at once.
You lose them in pieces over time
- the movie Simon Birch
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It is health that is real wealth,
and not pieces of gold and silver.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Men kick friendship around like a football,
but it doesn't seem to crack.
Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Time to Die:
A Zen teacher had a rare and priceless teacup.
One day, his precocious student accidentally broke the cup.
Hearing the footsteps of his teacher,
the student held the pieces of the cup behind his back.
When the master appeared, he asked: "Why do people have to die?"
"This is natural," explained the teacher.
"Everything has to die and has just so long to live."
The student showed the shattered cup, saying,
"It was time for your cup to die."
- Traditional Zen Koan
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman
in the midst of this world,
where each person is clinging to his piece of debris?
What's the proper salutation between people
as they pass each other in this flood?
- The Buddha
Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news.
The good news is that you don't know how great you can be!
How much you can love!
What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!
- Anne Frank
I put a piece of paper under my pillow,
and when I could not sleep I wrote in the dark.
- Henry David Thoreau
The postman wants an autograph.
The cab driver wants a picture.
The waitress wants a handshake.
Everyone wants a piece of you.
- John Lennon
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful
standing here than you do in person.
- the movie Love and Death (1975)
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If one does not understand a person,
one tends to regard him as a fool.
- Carl Jung
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
There is an optical illusion about every person we meet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We know what a person thinks not when he tells us
what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singe
The person who you're with most in life is yourself
and if you don't like yourself,
you're always with somebody you don't like.
- Marc S. Lewis
No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa
It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The shoe that fits one person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Jung
The moment a person forms a theory,
his imagination sees in every object
only the traits which favor that theory.
- Thomas Jefferson
Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
An unclean person is universally a slothful one.
- Henry David Thoreau
Jealousy is that pain which a man feels
from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved
by the person whom he entirely loves.
- Joseph Addison
Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson
Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous
A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
- Jerome Blattner
A competent and self-confident person is
incapable of jealousy in anything.
Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love
someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.
- Anonymous
It was high counsel that I once heard given to a young person,
"Always do what you are afraid to do."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The highest reward for a person's toil
is not what they get for it,
but what they become by it.
- John Ruskin
The best effort of a fine person
is felt after we have left their presence.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere,
while the pessimist sees only the red stoplight.
The truly wise person is colorblind.
- Albert Schweitzer
When a person doesn't have gratitude,
something is missing in his or her humanity.
A person can almost be defined by
his or her attitude toward gratitude.
- Elie Wiesel
A person who is nice to you,
but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
- Dave Barry
A sense of humor... is needed armor.
Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips
is a sign that the person down deep
has a pretty good grasp of life.
- Hugh Sidey
If you don't take full responsibility
for your own happiness,
who do you suppose will?
Your happiness is a one person job -
it begins and ends with you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have never met an aggressive person
who wasn't a fearful person.
- John Bradshaw
The envious person grows lean
with the fatness of their neighbor.
- Socrates
To dream of the person you would like to be
is to waste the person you are.
- Anonymous
It is more dangerous that even
a guilty person should be punished
without the forms of law
than that he should escape.
- Thomas Jefferson
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself -
and you are the easiest person to fool.
- Richard Feynman
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything.
And that is by making the other person want to do it.
- Dale Carnegie
As a happy person, you radiate happiness to the world.
Visualize your light radiating throughout the world,
passing from person to person until it encircles the globe.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
See God in every person, place, and thing,
and all will be well in your world.
- Louise L. Hay
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.