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Let these funny Never Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz 
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
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I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
You never can tell with bees.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid
Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
- Anonymous
I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Which form of proverb do you prefer
Better late than never, or Better never than late?
- Lewis Carroll
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis
Our Joy comes from living our own lives simply -
never from demanding that others live simply -
or from ever making any demands whatsoever upon others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton
"Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has Brain."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
There was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin
People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase:
if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
- C. P. Snow
Who never walks save where he sees
men's tracks, makes no discoveries.
- J. G. Holland
Okay, so it's a matter of life and death - now are you happy?
Urgency is never a path to joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is now.
There was never a time when your life was not now,
nor will there ever be.
- Eckhart Tolle
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
- William Shakespeare
We are never afraid of what is happening in this instant -
It is what MIGHT happen next that frightens us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.