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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Advice Quotes
Funny Quotes about Advice

Let these funny Advice Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield


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I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong

In those days he was wiser than he is now;
he used to frequently take my advice.
- Winston Churchill


 

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill

Unsolicited Advice Is Always Meddling.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

An unsolicited suggestion is
undistinguishable from a criticism.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No one can give you better advice than yourself.
- Cicero

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank

A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering

Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.
- Publilius Syrus

There are old heads in the world
who cannot help me by their example or advice
to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself;
but I believe that it is in my power
to elevate myself this very hour
above the common level of my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

How true Daddy's words were when he said:
all children must look after their own upbringing.
Parents can only give good advice
or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character
lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank

You are perfect. You are complete.
Your inner voice always knows what to do,
but it is a quiet voice.
You can only hear the whisperings of your inner voice -
your inner compass - when you turn down the volume
of your fears, your regrets, your resentments,
and the fear-based advice
your neighbors are so willing to give you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Many of us have been conditioned to trust others' opinions
more than our own, and I believe that sort of trust is excessive.
This is especially true with regard to authority figures -
doctors, lawyers, priests. I trust my doctor's intentions toward me,
but I don't blindly follow his suggestions
without checking other sources also.
He was trained to prescribe a pill for everything,
and does it with the best of intentions,
but I often choose to trust God's quiet voice inside me
rather than my doctor's medical advice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -
nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror
which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

It is not possible for civilization to
flow backwards while there is youth in the world.
Youth may be headstrong,
but it will advance its allotted length.
- Helen Keller

To raise new questions, new possibilities,
to regard old problems from a new angle,
requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.
- Albert Einstein

Gratitude in advance is the most powerful
creative force in the universe.
- Neale Donald Walsch

Your point of view sets you up well in advance
for how you view the events as they unfold.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If we all worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true
were really true, there would be little hope of advance.
- Orville Wright

Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.
- Winston Churchill

However carefully we plan our future,
we are always climbing the steps to nowhere.
While it is important to our happiness
that we have an intent for our lives,
it is equally crucial to accept in advance
that we truly have no idea how our lives will turn out -
and that is good.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams
and endeavor to leave the life which you have imagined,
you will you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau

I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions,
but laws and institutions must go hand in hand
with the progress of the human mind.
As that becomes more developed, more enlightened,
as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered
and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances,
institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times.
- Thomas Jefferson [inscribed in the Jefferson Memorial]

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Only dead fish swim with the stream.
- Anonymous

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter
if only we could prevent girls from being girls.
- Anne Frank

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

Magic is natural to Wizards,
and only a little harder for the rest of us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
- Marie Curie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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