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Let these funny Only Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
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You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill
There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter
if only we could prevent girls from being girls.
- Anne Frank
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein
Magic is natural to Wizards,
and only a little harder for the rest of us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation
Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln
Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
- Marie Curie
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates
Only dead fish swim with the stream.
- Anonymous
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha
Life is an adventure.
I can only wonder what treasure
awaits at the top of the path.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are no facts, only interpretations.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
Thank you, that would suffice.
- Meister Eckhart
Majority rule only works if you're also
considering individual rights,
because you can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt
People only see what they are prepared to see.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
- Robert F. Kennedy
We have only this moment,
sparkling like a star in our hand -
and melting like a snowflake.
- Marie B. Ray
Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Universal compassion is the only guarantee of morality.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Move out of your comfort zone. You can only
grow if you are willing to feel awkward and
uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke
I never worry about action, but only about inaction.
- Winston Churchill
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality.
Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
- Lao Tzu
The only way to discover the limits of the possible
is to go beyond them into the impossible.
- Arthur C. Clarke
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
I object to violence because
when it appears to do good,
the good is only temporary;
the evil it does is permanent.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The only cure for grief is action.
- G. H. Lewes
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.