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Let these funny First Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous 
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
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If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Those who have free seats at a play hiss first.
- Chinese Proverb
I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
- Anonymous
Get the facts first.
You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields
After the first blush of sin, comes its indifference.
- Henry David Thoreau
There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer
When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore
Faith is taking the first step,
even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
- Anonymous
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland
To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare
Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
All things at first appear difficult.
- Chinese proverb
Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo
Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey
Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you,
then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first
and the lessons afterwards.
- Anonymous
During the first period of a man's life
the greatest danger is not to take the risk.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
The first quality that is needed is audacity.
- Winston Churchill
Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
For the very first time the young are
seeing history being made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead
Do first things first, and second things not at all.
- Peter F. Drucker
Life ... is like a parachute jump:
you have to get it right the first time.
- Margaret Mead
We first make our habits, then our habits make us.
- John Dryden
Today, I Do What Is Important To Me, First.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Read the best books first,
or you may not have a chance to read them at all.
- Henry David Thoreau
In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail.
- Anonymous
Be gentle first with yourself.
- Lama Yeshe
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all of our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time
- T. S. Eliot
Let every day be the first day
of the rest of your life,
but especially let today be a new beginning.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In rivers, the water that you touch
is the last of what has passed
and the first of that which comes;
so with present time.
- Leonardo da Vinci
If you would take, you must first give,
this is the beginning of intelligence.
- Lao Tzu
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
The secret of getting started is
breaking your complex overwhelming tasks
into small manageable tasks,
and starting on the first one.
- Mark Twain
Whatever America hopes to bring to pass in the world
must first come to pass in the heart of America.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The first wealth is health.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Let him that would move the world first move himself.
- Socrates
First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.
- Epictetus
Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities...
because it is the quality which guarantees all others.
- Winston Churchill
In my country we go to prison first, and then become President.
- Nelson Mandela
"Think simple" as my old master used to say -
meaning reduce the whole of its parts
into the simplest terms,
getting back to first principles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It is the first law of friendship
that it has to be cultivated.
The second is to be indulgent
when the first law is neglected.
- Voltaire
You grow up the day you have
your first real laugh - at yourself.
- Ethel Barrymore
You have a row of dominoes set up;
you knock over the first one,
and what will happen to the last one
is that it will go over very quickly.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If we could first know where we are,
and whither we are tending,
we could then better judge what to do,
and how to do it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Habits are cobwebs at first, cables at last.
- Chinese proverb
Look at everything as though you were seeing it
either for the first or last time.
Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.
- Betty Smith
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.