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Let these funny Uncharitable Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A man must be both stupid and uncharitable
who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side.
- Joseph Addison
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.