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Let these funny Nothing Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain 
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
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Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen
Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
Nothing is as good for the soul as a marshmallow roast.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Today is probably a good day for something;
but it's a better day for doing nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
- Helen Keller
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.
- George Bernard Shaw
The Christian missionary may preach the gospel
to the poor naked heathen,
but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe
have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.
- Carl Jung
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
- John Lennon
Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
- Marie Curie
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)
I say NO to the demands of the world.
I say YES to the longings of my own heart.
There is nothing I ever need to have.
There is nothing I ever need to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor
Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha
Fully experience THIS moment -
breathe in, breathe out - nothing more.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Nothing other people do is because of you.
It is because of themselves
- don Miguel Ruiz
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.
Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
- Marie Curie
Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Trust in the Light.
Darkness is not a force -
it is merely the absence of light.
Observe that when a light is brought to a dark place,
the darkness disappears.
Sadness is similar -
when joy is brought to suffering,
the sadness disappears.
Open yourself to the Light!
Hold back nothing,
Trust in the Light.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you have to kill a man,
it costs nothing to be polite.
- Winston Churchill
Nothing is so firmly believed as what is least known.
- Michel de Montaigne
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.
- Albert Camus
Love bravely, live bravely, be courageous,
there's really nothing to lose.
- Jewel
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect.
If it's not based on respect,
nothing that appears to be good will last very long.
- Amy Grant
Regrets and resentments cause great suffering but fix nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Why, I'd like nothing better than to achieve
some bold adventure, worthy of our trip.
- Aristophanes
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa
When one has nothing to lose, one becomes courageous.
We are timid only when
there is something we can still cling to.
- Carlos Castaneda
There is nothing more depressing,
than having everything,
and still feeling sad.
- Janet Jackson
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature.
- Helen Keller
Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.
- Paul Tournier
Choose Inner Peace.
Nothing is worth losing your inner peace.
Take action as circumstances require,
but never surrender your inner peace.
Stop. Breathe deeply.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.
Then, and only then, take action -
from a peaceful heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stress is nothing more than a
socially acceptable form of mental illness.
- Richard Carlson
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
- Elbert Hubbard
If anyone is unhappy, remember that
his unhappiness is his own fault...
Nothing else is the cause of anxiety or loss of tranquility
except our own opinion.
- Epictetus
I'd rather have thirty minutes of wonderful
than a lifetime of nothing special.
- the movie Steel Magnolias
There is nothing more uncommon than common sense.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
- Alexander Hamilton
I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free
and there was nothing to break the light of the sun.
I was born where there were no enclosures.
- Geronimo
Nothing is at last sacred, but the integrity of your own mind.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
War settles nothing.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
He who knows nothing is closer to the truth
than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors.
- Thomas Jefferson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.